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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-04-05, 10:06 AM
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#1
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Middle Weight
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[COLOR=Purple]Biological Manipulation[/COLOR]
IP: 8A05 210E
...ight here's anotha drop on here peep it diz is fire....
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=202842 Annihillating verbally through surgery methods at infirmarys/ sworn to secrecy, my velocity is hard to catch like broken clock speeds/ mock me?, my atrocity devours your high exulted life into poverty/ socrates predicted that WrAtH gifted scriptures held tha highest viscosity/ monstrocity based mcs are deformed with ligaments torn/ fallin like leprosy, skin cells die from tha echo of DaRtZ scorns/ reverberational methods of voice manipulational sensations/ giving mcs ear drum damage from penetrating with brain vibrations/ mind altering visions through wording serves the yearning population/ abomination to air waves, my stare glazes with cyclops eye rays/ nuclear fission based incisions bomb with gases that capture air gasps/ lungs replenish with soul devouring menace filled sentances that deminish/ reliquishing cells from there home like nitrous oxidation/ giving the body and soul deprevation with toxic operations/ rockin ways unimaginable to tha naked eye magnified/ rapidly spitting saliva entraps till death, capturing like spider webs/ enchanting with vocal features my tactical techniques freak speakers/ military trained pilot bursting off heat seekers/ missles aimed at targets with markmanship skills, terrific!/ uplifting adolescence with testosterone scientifics/ egyptional heiroglyphics reign as my basis on education/ pyramids were built by who knows what kind of creation?/ a life form with a structure that has no identity/ an entity with superior charisma that enraptures magnificently/ magnetism and appeal brings eyes and ears my way/ wisdom and visions of death bring attention through sly displays/ courageless victims all proceeding in the direction of SpiT/ as i begin the sacrifice and kill the innocent at will/ ...don't sleep on diz 1 here it'z h.o.f type shit right here fa sho...
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 Choose words carefully when you address me
You ain't gotta like me, but you're gonna respect me (Or else) or else you get wet like a jigsknee Take ten of these and live, that'll impress me |
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08-04-05, 10:56 AM
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#2
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 3240 794D
good flow, good structure good vocab nice emotion and good topic.....liked reading this a lot keep writing keep progressin 9/10.......rtf on my om in my sig thanks
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08-16-05, 07:22 PM
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#3
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
Ya Real Nice Man Im Glad We Got That Collab Goin I Hope You Write Like This In The Collab
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08-16-05, 08:31 PM
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#4
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IP: 68F3 D87D
Fucking tite dawg........good flow with good structure........dope rhyming dawg!!!!!
8.5/10 |
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08-16-05, 08:50 PM
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#5
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Coming to Kill you All
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IP: 76ED 93A3
OK...I love the vocab in this shit.Topic was fresh...so good job there.Had some decent multis and internals there.I like the scientific shit in there.This seemed like something Canibus would make.Wording was good.
Now..your main problem was flow.I don't know if it was me readin it wrong or what.And I read it more than once.You had some lines that didn't flow due to poor multis.Take that last bar for example.Didn't rhyme.And some of your lines seemed choppy due to not enough words after the internal. Take this for example.... "rapidly spitting saliva entraps till death, capturing like spider webs/" Not the internal is till death...and it's counterpart was spider webs.It's sopposed to meet each other in a way that it rolls off the tongue nicely.I think spider webs came too soon after till death.To certain beats..it may flow well..but on text..no... That's a problem you can fix by readin your songs over when done So all in all..you got the content and shit..but just work on flow a bit. Overall-7/10 RTF PLEASE http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204095 |
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