Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
10-18-05, 08:03 PM | #1 | |||||
.:Certified Mystique:.
|
Clinched Fists
IP: 77B2 8791
Tell me I can't rhyme "cause I'm White(I come wit clinched fists)
Sayin that i ain't gon be full-blown(I come wit clinched fists) Tellin me i ain't gon be well-known(I come wit clinched fists) Say my flow is lame and I have no game(I come wit clinched fists) They said i wasn't nothin, i came at 'em wit clinched fists I took them all out and now im hollerin at they bitch They said the wrong shit and they got split wide open Left 'em beggin for they life, left them layin there hopin That they could live their llives at least one more day If they lived I bet they thank god and always pray I watched them sit there on their knees pleading Cut 'em and sat there enjoying the sight of them bleeding They knew that their lifespan was quickly receiding All I heard was the sound of their screams repeating Then i heard the sirens,the shouts from the street I let off one shot and did not hear one more peep I knew that now my soul was for the devil to keep Because they said something wrong,so i gave them "The Sleep" Two homicides in anight was more than enough To put me in my place, and show iwasnt that tough I thought i was bad, so i huffed and i puffed But i noticed i wasnt shit once i got cuffed Leaving my mom,sister, my dad and my girl I got scared and could do nothing but hurl It was one life time i thought would end One session of life i didnt want to attend I started acting tough, it was all pretend Didnt see my actions till freedoms end Tell me I can't rhyme "cause I'm White(I come wit clinched fists) Sayin that i ain't gon be full-blown(I come wit clinched fists) Tellin me i ain't gon be well-known(I come wit clinched fists) Say my flow is lame and I have no game(I come wit clinched fists) leave feed please |
|||||
10-18-05, 10:03 PM | #2 | |||||
New to RV
|
IP: 3C00 FBBA
ehhhh, i was feelin tha hook for tha most part, tha verse itself was iight
7/10 <-- almost dope
__________________
I'm ARSEN.....Hate It! |
|||||
10-19-05, 10:05 AM | #3 | |||||
.:Certified Mystique:.
|
IP: BCFF BE8A
Thanx for tha feed...uppin for more
|
|||||
10-19-05, 03:10 PM | #4 | ||||
Bann The Deed NOT The Breed
|
IP: 0A37 178E
ok i on the other hand hated the hook not feeling ti for a text piece
vocab needs upped ur structure is getting better you need to work on wordplay this was overall a really basic piece nothing special i liked ur other 2 better
__________________
O.Y.D. |
||||
10-19-05, 04:10 PM | #5 | |||||
A Life Of Chryme
|
IP: 6C72 6032
honestly, if you want real feed...this was trash man
no offence but ur hook had no flow. no rythm.....didnt mold at all your verse was quite simple...no complexity nor though...just basic rhyme schemes and concepts...you have to add more wordplay and emotion anger/imagery into ur shit man....other 2 were bettter keep elevatin 3/10 1 rtf dude
__________________
A LIFE OF CHRYME |
|||||
10-19-05, 05:51 PM | #6 | |||||||
Flyweight
|
IP: 60C4 4739
thisis the first thing ive seen from you cause ive been gone for a while but heres my fb
i think it was just barely ok i also think that the first line was played it was an alright topic but displayed in an un-alright way it seems like there is some talent in there somewhere but you just have to grasp it and let it out 1 |
|||||||
Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
Display Modes | |
|
|