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02-16-04, 05:52 AM | #1 | |||||||
.-.Marxism.-.
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I paint a picture of my life. .
IP: 02C9 DA5D
Some might call me Picasso with a pen instead of a paintbrush. .
I paint a picture of my expericences as my tears rush. . In my hand I hold my pen with a tip that's sharp as a nail. . I paint a picture of my life with blood, tears and betrayal. . First, a dab of a dark green for jealousy and greed. . Mix in some blue, for the sadness that envelops me. . Perhaps some red mixed with black, to create a broken heart. . Cause from the start I was never wanted in the first instance. . But with persistance, I struggle to move and groove on. . I keep on, paintin' it all with words. . Creatin' my own shade. . I paint the ropes of hope in my life.. Tattered and frayed. . Stir in some jade laced with a touch of gray. . To symbolize everyday spent in envy and decay. . But which way. . Do I go next, I'm not done yet, I splurge the paint and hold my breath. . What have I created? What is the color to which I have given breath? I painted my life, and came out with the color of death. . I paint a picture of my life. . It's the start of the end. . But the beauty of life's canvas is. . You can paint over it and begin to start again. . Something short. . Leave links. pz |
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02-16-04, 07:33 AM | #2 | |||||||
1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
id say this is the best ive read so far today... really nice concept and well executed.... along with a good scheme that set the flow going... and nice wordplay... liked the way you told it to.... not much a can fault on here.... tight little drop
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02-16-04, 08:57 AM | #3 | |||||||
Here's Lookin At You Kid
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IP: E110 691F
good topic....u were consistant with it too.... good job...
metas were good, vocab was good....wordplay good......structure good... a nice piecce here....not much to critique....good job of pianting a picture... one of the bettter ive read so far....peace keep at it
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<Center><table style=filter:GLOW(color=black)>.:Corrupted Visions:.</table></Center> |
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02-16-04, 12:44 PM | #4 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
dope short piece
think its the first ive read of yours insp very nicely done.. worked the metaphor of the canvas/painting imagery very well expressive piece and im impressed with it.. for a short piece it packed a nice punch the end was ill as well.. nice way to end the piece on a thoughtful note http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113145 ^ ! ) |
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02-16-04, 03:49 PM | #5 | |||||||
.-.Marxism.-.
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IP: 02C9 DA5D
Thank you..
I'll reply to yours when I get hom from school. . pz |
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02-16-04, 03:52 PM | #6 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Dope multi's =) flowed good, & the concept was well worked out here..good vocab usage, a nice short sweet story ..
Uppppper.
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Fuck you |
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02-17-04, 03:32 AM | #7 | |||||||
.-.Marxism.-.
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IP: 02C9 DA5D
Zzzzzzzzzzzz..^
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02-17-04, 09:10 AM | #8 | ||||
Eddy.
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IP: 77D5 6AAD
Fuck u nikka,.. theres nothing more to say about it o.O
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Fuck you |
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02-17-04, 11:11 AM | #9 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 32DE 209E
--[Flow]---
Flow was similar to some fo my older pieces...so it's dope..lol....ha, seriously..you had some dope internals in here and some dope rhymes, complex and deep...none of this "fun & gun" shit, you know...dopeness. --[Vocab]-- Vocab felt a little bit restricted..like it was burtsing to get out, but just never got the chance...however, this bar was dope: "Some might call me Picasso with a pen instead of a paintbrush. . I paint a picture of my expericences as my tears rush. ."...flow was dope there as well.... --[Concept]-- Think this is where you really peservered...you built up a image of your life, described it originally and personally as a rush of colour...ther way you contrasted the colours with feeling and emotions i felt was ferocious... "Stir in some jade laced with a touch of gray. . To symbolize everyday spent in envy and decay. ." - you had a good few bars liek that, really helped me visualise it.... The way that you ended it, i felt that it was like a picture of insantity..erm...darkness and cold maybe... --[Overall]-- Certainly one of the better pieces done by one of the better writers...4/5..vocab was the only lacking attribute, however the imagry outshined...dope. if you got time: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113884 -cheers. |
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02-17-04, 03:53 PM | #10 | |||||||
.-.Marxism.-.
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IP: 02C9 DA5D
Supposed to be a suicide type steeze.. Sadness, envy, decay - death.. Didn't write as much as I'd like to, cause fuckers on here can't read for more than 10 seconds.
I gotta walk to school in about 15 mins, so when I get home I'll peep your link. |
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