Hey, I'm new on the site, and i thought i'd show you one of the sides to me. (the soft and gentle side ladyz if your reading ;-)

O yes, I saw sweet beauty in her face,
Such a kind smile full of love and grace.
A love untouched by the devil's hands,
With I poised close to grab as she stands.
Is it wrong to want what is undeser'ved to thee?
Is it improper to beg, promise and plea?
The answer I know is incomplete,
However, simple and complex, without deceit.
I so wish to know the softness of her touch
Running over my heart ever so much.
The smell of her hair makes me ponder everyday,
Such that I've been thrown into disarray.
Thou cannot imagine the excitement I feel,
Of something so far and yet so real.
I hope to one day find the answers to my thoughts,
And not to end up unknowing and distraught.
This message summed up is as follows,
I can't wait till we meet and what you don't like can be swallowed.


Its a bit of a crap last line i know, but have you any ideas on how i can improve the last line?

Okay, to me this was a classic love poem...had the depth and imagery a very nice, and classic love poem should have....flowed effortlessly...really nice...damn, cannae say no more...enough said methinks on that...

....the last line? Well i thought it was okay...so maybe it seems a bit blunting to the rest of the piece...i.e. what came before...

...and i can see the 'swallowing' reference can be taken more than one way...especially when talking about a man and woman and incorporating love into things (love-sex..you get it)...

...but really, aint my place to to 'edit' someone elses piece, especially when it's so good...and it has so much substance to it...

...but maybe other people could...i just don't like tampering with something like this, especially as it's someone elses...

..i reccomend you come back to it in a day or two...looking at it 'fresh' almost....and then try and think of a different ending...i dunno, always helps me...when i aint happy with a piece....just keep coming back to it...

..anyway...respect...