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02-15-09, 07:14 PM | #1 | ||||||
Herb
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friendly anger
IP: AAFA 68AF
Hi, how are you? If i'd talk to another angry person i might argue, I'm almost 21, and i'm tired of a curfew. My mom say's theirs crazies out here, and they might hurt you, she can't understand that i have no virtue, no remorse, i'm unstable, and my life's off course, so i'm one of them. I don't care if it's a fair fight, or they have a gun with them, if i get injured don't matter cause I have a partial death wish from being eluded from the one thing on my with wish list, to make money, now I think of bone breakage, and not furry bunnies. I don't care if any broad ever loves me, i'm a fighter not a lover, with more anger than the average thugs on streets.
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02-20-09, 06:00 PM | #2 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: 2210 2F31
This piece was... New, to say the least. I think you could have picked up your vocan a little bit and deffinetly need some work on your structure... its not reader friendly to have a whole paragraph down. I think you should work on metaphors and refrences, use poetic tools. It seems like you need a lot of work bro... PM me if you want any advice.
But keep dropping, i liked the feeling and emotion of the piece so those are two good things. |
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