tha last time i started ta write a ryhme,
i got stuck in a fuckin rascist war,
hate in every line,
it threw off my writes,
had tha problem of makin this shit tight,
my fuse blew,
and sparked another a bomb,
a mockery of world war 2,
i sat their and watched as my friends got their ass' beat,
interfered,
now tha cops got beef,
ive had a controversial year,
7 family members in less than 7 months,
dead from disease,
my peoples rest in peace,
but i kno it aint my fault,
i cant sit in grief,
cuz sometime soon i kno we'll meet again,
reunited with my family and murdered friends,
this stressful year needs to end,
or ill send another email to god,
here comes another one of ur children,
push send.


uppin feedback pleez

__________________
T.O. and u jus got K.O.ed

Snoop 94' "we dont luv dem hoes"

need feedback pleez, uppin!!!

__________________
T.O. and u jus got K.O.ed

Snoop 94' "we dont luv dem hoes"

come on yall, one person for feedback, i dont give a fuck wutchu say, damn, im just tryin ta get better so i need someone ta say somethin

__________________
T.O. and u jus got K.O.ed

Snoop 94' "we dont luv dem hoes"

It sucks doesn't it no1 on this board really knows how to give good feedback.

Ok man this free/keystyle was OK. You got ur point across that the year has been shit, and I'm sry about ur family members and friends, because I to lost my gramp's last summer (still going through it).

on to the piece

Ur word usage was wayyyyyyyy to basic man it seems like it toke u 10mins to write something that should take you at least 2 hours. I always try and take my time writing cause if I rush i never get what I want to say out there, and why does every1 think writing in 10mins makes u the greatest. Sure if you can do it like that, and still make it raw as fuck then go ahead by all means do it, but you my friend obviously can't. I could tell you wanted to through in alot of emotion, but why didn't u wtf are u holding back for rap is an abyss just u that pen, and that paper fuck ever1/thing else. ur flow was bad in some parts, and good in others. Also ur structure was pretty decent which helped me follow along pretty we'll.

My advice really search ur feelings and find out what you feel, and then try to describ em on paper. Who gives a fuck what I say or any1 else says when it comes to writing be true to urself man thats how masterpieces are created.

Keep elevatin.

Also u from the T.O. If so which I think u are which area u from? Rexdale here albion, and Islington to be exact the west side.

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