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07-22-05, 04:19 PM | #1 | |||||
[ a.k.a Os ]
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The Seer
IP: F519 0F67
The Seer We dance to the rhythm of dreams Different in scheme Stuck between the real and Reality Speak truth through fatality Immortality Casually saddening Finality We behold the pale horse And Evade remorse As the perceptions of the day Become acquainted in dreams Fade into the scenes, I Try not to cry, I Hit the ground twice But can’t not see We ask not, want not God pours through We Stay in dimensional limbo He did this to me Weeds finish through me As a nightmare escapes I dare awake, and Write where its fate Has a light fair gait Born of grizzly pate Through the dungeons and purgatory Fights dared in hate We are the prophets of heart Emotions abound Those are the sounds Of the hope filled abound. I write because my heart Is compelled by it. I can’t stop. My thoughts are repelled my it. I see, feel, hear, taste And smell by it. Perceive the world with my pen, Escape cells by it. Stand in the fellowship of men And fair angels in bloom Angles of whom create Infinite space in a room Of antiquity Time is here, no past or future That’s the route through which the soul Must pass to suit the Needs of understanding Demanding sometimes on man The Capacity to finally see his dreams. I remember night scapes When I awake and I relate To try and make the night awake And denial fly away. We as poets owe a duty to the world of readers Future seers borne through our words as breeders We’re the Way the heart is heard or seen Worst can be the loss of heart’s purity We’re the soldiers in the night Bearing boulders of light On Shoulders of might With the Onus to write Verbal Onanism Sinful if we spill forth our wisdom Never to be read, never to be heard or forgiven Speak, fair poet, youthful muses and scribes You can ignite your youthfulness through truthful delight. Shout down, vintage sage. Speak once through your eyes Give us the might of wisdom from your decades of site. This is the right and true path of the poet and seer Who holds a power and a burden through the purpose so clear. Feedback http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2313309 |
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07-22-05, 05:26 PM | #2 | |||||
Rastafari Walk Tall
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IP: 397A 67AA
Topic Was really feeling this topic fam...nice different to the norm..aptly titled
Content Im not really sure yo..ima re-read a couple of timez n alter this l8r...it seems like its pretty simple in what its about and conveying..i duno...ill see Structure Real nice, liked it...you got a unique style thats real accessible...this piece flowed fluidly from start to finish, the lines were concise and precise and straight to the point no over complification Imagery Born of grizzly pate Through the dungeons and purgatory Fights dared in hate We are the prophets of heart Emotions abound Those are the sounds Of the hope filled abound. ^those lines stood out to me...imagery is real vivid and i re read that bit liek 3 times Emotion Pours out...a lot of emotion in this...: I see, feel, hear, taste And smell by it. Perceive the world with my pen ^ you used punctuation perfectly in these lines...made the shit emotional and emphatic....dopeness Devices (metaphors/similies etc) meh...not many..but when u did, u came wid nice original shizzle yo: Stand in the fellowship of men And fair angels in bloom Angles of whom create Infinite space in a room ^DAMN Problems shit felt like too much of a song...but meh..thats a personal response...you kept a nice tight structure and let it slip at the end...should have kept the form constant Improve Chanign up styles, rhymeschemes, more devices IF YA DNT LIKE MA FBAK….SUCK MA DICK…ITS MY OPINION YOU CAN CHOOSE TO LIKE IT OR NOT….. AS OF NOW ALL YOUR POSTS MUST BE ACCOMPANIED BY A FBAK LINK!!!!!
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"His Imperial Majesty Haile Selassie I, Conquering Lion of the Tribe of Judah, King of Kings of Ethiopia and Elect of God" Blog Graphic Designer, Illustrator, Web Designer |
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07-23-05, 01:24 PM | #3 | |||||||
+...Femin-iLL...+
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IP: 6E69 7B24
Sweet Jesus...Its Long
Ya Strucure Was kew...Pretty Str8 Topic...Im Feeling It Quoteables: "Emotions abound Those are the sounds Of the hope filled abound. I write because my heart Is compelled by it. I can’t stop. My thoughts are repelled my it. I see, feel, hear, taste And smell by it. Perceive the world with my pen, Escape cells by it." ^sick imagery.... "Way the heart is heard or seen Worst can be the loss of heart’s purity We’re the soldiers in the night Bearing boulders of light On Shoulders of might With the Onus to write Verbal Onanism Sinful if we spill forth our wisdom Never to be read, never to be heard or forgiven Speak, fair poet, youthful muses and scribes You can ignite your youthfulness through truthful delight. Shout down, vintage sage. Speak once through your eyes Give us the might of wisdom from your decades of site. This is the right and true path of the poet and seer Who holds a power and a burden through the purpose so clear." these two were deep for me..and i love reading stuff on another level...the onli thing i didnt like was the length...people sleep a lot on here....and a good thing will get passed up...other than that this was pretty good
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..:: Artik In The Phlesh::.. .Re-Writing The Re-Run. |
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