Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
06-11-08, 11:14 PM | #1 | |||||||
Flyweight
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last letter
IP: 20CD 5579
At 2 in the morning I'm awaken
My heads achin And my bed feels empty... As I reach over to receive comfort from my queen All I grab is cold sheets That show no signs of her bodies heat So I start to count sheep As I think Damn where is she... While I rub my chest As if I'm corresing her breast Unable to relax, my body continues to stretch Molested by curiosity I send her this text "Babe where are you, I've been trying to call you..." Her absence is my stress An hour goes by There's still no reply I pace back and forth the anger burns in my eyes I put on some clothes I need to step outsides I grab for my keys I need to go for a drive But there not on the dresser... ...damn she's sneaky Now pissed off and disturbed I go get pistol I try to call her, but she sends me to voicemail So leave her this message "Bitch where is you, call me back as soon as you get this, or you and that nigga will hit the top of my hit list." Then I hang up like blood forget this When shorty calls back I'm a quickly end this Damn she's got me trippin... I sit in recliner all the lights are off I loose focus of reality my mind gets life I'm lost in thoughts Then my phone goes off Somebodies calling but the number is blocked I pick it up "Hello who is this" 'I got bad news' "O ya what is it" 'Try to stay calm' "I will if I can" 'You should take a seat' "I already am, stop beating around the bush I can't take this no more, what do you want" There's a knock on my door I open it up I'm surrounded by cops I asked them what's up Your girlfriend is dead last night she got shot My girlfriend is dead but I feel like the victim My last thoughts were of dread now I must live with them She never got em' But I can't forget them I prepare to close the door but the officer says listen There's more Right before she died she received a threatening message and the voice was yours With no suspect or witness I'm thrown behind bars Ten years to life is what I would do if god gave you back yours But now I'm fucked up because I couldn't trust you I sorry, I miss you P.S. I love you
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quicky verse thats life kid ~Welcome to
The MEDIkated Lyfe..........~ |
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06-12-08, 04:46 PM | #2 | ||||||
New Jack
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IP: 758C 908A
this drop had a descent amount of emotion to it and was composed decently. I think that the drop (as a love story drop) was done okay because you had some "Real Life" comments within the piece that I could truely see someone actually saying in the real world...
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LPMNDCTE The B.E.S.T. Crew .................. |
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06-12-08, 09:12 PM | #3 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 967B 85BD
Links or this will be closed.
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06-12-08, 10:06 PM | #4 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 46DC DA3A
links to what.............................................. ..........................
__________________
quicky verse thats life kid ~Welcome to
The MEDIkated Lyfe..........~ |
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06-12-08, 10:10 PM | #5 | ||||
Middle Weight
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IP: A178 B6DC
deep shit, i loved it....
they are saying post to links of you commenting on some one else's shit or your thread will be closed
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It's hard being beautiful but some one has to do it |
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06-13-08, 02:34 AM | #6 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 651E B56A
lol @ links to what.
You need to post to url links to other peoples open mics you have left feedback on. The reason for this is to generate activity. If links arent posted within 24 hours this will be closed. |
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06-13-08, 07:39 AM | #7 | |||||||
Flyweight
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IP: 46DC DA3A
well idnt know how so go ahead and close it
__________________
quicky verse thats life kid ~Welcome to
The MEDIkated Lyfe..........~ |
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06-13-08, 08:34 AM | #8 | |||||||
I made it and il end it
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IP: 5AC0 F12B
I liked this piece, nicely thought out.Nice detail was put in this story.Only way to improve i guess is better vocab but never the less 8/10.
Good stuff. What u need to do is leave feeback on other peoples pieces.then right click on the www. bit or http://rapverse in the top left hand of your screen, then click copy.then come back to your piece in the quick reply place,right click again and paste. job done son. |
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06-14-08, 10:35 PM | #9 | ||||||
Whys That?
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IP: 651E B56A
No Links.
Closed. |
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