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Old 06-21-06, 11:13 AM   #1
Appocolyptik
Beginning Your Ending
 
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Ennui (1-0) vs Wireless (1-0)

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Ok so it's week 2. You must drop a minumum of 16 lines and try and keep the amount of lines even ish.

If you are unsure about the rules then click here

You MUST pick a topic a topic from the following list, and you can both do different topics. Good luck and drop dope.

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Topics

Cleansed by Fire
In Anger... I am Truly Happy
Shards of a Broken Mind
These Shackes are my Freedom
Hope is a Tattered Flag
This Love is my Pain
Of Dust and Air
The King in Chains
Tears, Idle Tears
To Find God
The Moons Shadow
Risen to a New Low
Does the Solder Bleed as much as me?
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Old 06-21-06, 12:01 PM   #2
L.E
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Checkin in...Good luck man.
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Old 06-22-06, 07:15 PM   #3
Heychoo
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From: tennessee.
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G/L...I'll try to show..Real busy where I am, plus I'm also having to write another piece on another site..
 
Old 06-24-06, 03:25 PM   #4
Heychoo
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Enui..can you give me an extension till Sunday?

Real busy, just got in atlanta last night to see my sister's baby...Tired as fuck.
 
Old 06-25-06, 02:50 AM   #5
L.E
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Yeah...I'll give you till Sunday...I'll post my verse then.
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Old 06-25-06, 11:53 PM   #6
L.E
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...Cleanse me with fire...
Send me to Hell...send me to the fiery pillars underground...
...It's everything I am...what goes around comes around...
Worthy is not me, who one is given gracious things...
...But in reality I am an angel with horns who's taking wings...
I may have not realized before that I am ungrateful...
...But I suppose every man at some point is unthankful...
Cleanse me with fire...flames of pain against inferior wood...
...My legs and arms, my sould for all these material goods...
Stab me with shards of rock, and melt them against my skin...
...Because I did the same thing to the ones I loved again and again...
Other than when I did the deed, those who share my name...
...They stood there and did nothing...arms free with no chains...
Sitting back and waiting for the flames to engulf and consume...
...It washes away my sins...sin is this everlasting and eternal doom...
So I sit and smile, and think of all the people who I have hurt...
...As I am cleansed with fire...because it is what I truly deserve...

Quick 16...basically a no show verse I suppose. He asked for an extension, but he hasn't dropped yet.
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Old 06-26-06, 12:50 AM   #7
Heychoo
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Forgot all about this, keyed this in 20.

Politcal tomfoolery! Government improving matters? Utter Blasphemy!
We're just having ideas pounded into our heads,
Us being the pupils; the administration being the false academy...
Sadly most are being ignorant to the omens of the upcoming devastation
The President's too caught up in trying to prove that we're the "best nation"
We're proverbally on the mound..
N. Korea? Iran? Suadi Arabia? We don't even know who the batta is!
World War 3 is eminent, result of a reaction..
The so-called "War on Terrorism" is obviously the catalyst..
Locked in a chess match, with the player using his own citizens as pawns
He hasn't thought out future moves; living for the future, never trying to secure bonds
But as I glumly think about the possibility of another draft, more death
My mind shoots back to remember history; it consoles me, helps me catch my breath
Smoke rising steadily from fire, with a considerable ammount of troops beginning to tire
They still fought through bitter exhuastion, through their burnt throats becoming dryer
They fought their growing hunger, they fought with cheap, torn linens
But most importantl of all...They fought for our independence...

Yes, it consoles me; That:
Through the bullets, through the flares, through the cannonballs landing
That during that battle at Fort McHenry...That tattered flag was still standing
 
Old 06-27-06, 03:43 PM   #8
Appocolyptik
Beginning Your Ending
 
Posts: 1,236
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Ennui: I can tell you didn't really put much into your verse at all. It was basic and left me unfulfilled. This could have been really nice, like you could have had a dope creative central metaphor infuged with the images of angels. It wasn't like you dropped wack or anything, I can just tell you rushed it and could have done a lot more with it. Nothing in your verse really jumped out at me or impressed me much.

Wireless: Your verse was bland in some areas but your underlying concept was deeper than Enui's. I really liked two of your lines.

"N. Korea? Iran? Suadi Arabia? We don't even know who the batta is!
World War 3 is eminent, result of a reaction..
The so-called "War on Terrorism" is obviously the catalyst.."

"Through the bullets, through the flares, through the cannonballs landing
That during that battle at Fort McHenry...That tattered flag was still standing"

^Those were the best lines of the battle and impressed me. The war and terrorism take is commonly done at the moment but your piece was deeper than Enui's and more complex. You still have a few things to work on like filler lines.

"My mind shoots back to remember history; it consoles me, helps me catch my breath"

^That was very stretched and filled in. But you took this with a deeper verse.

V/ Wireless
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Old 06-28-06, 03:46 AM   #9
Journal!st
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this battle was all rushed work..nothing was potentially astonishing and ravishing to read and enjoy...but nice drops eighter way. this battle is prettymuch weak i mean ennui even though he may not show up still drop a nice verse dont go half assed cus thats how wireless gets down he makes you think he'll no show but then he'll surprise you and go all out while you went half...ya feel what im tryna say?1...

wireless you came a lil plain as well but your emotion was there and your complexity with creativity and art of vocab.. but still you had bland and blank areas that were confusing.

anuui you came yes but you didnt have much..you started well but then you just fell completely off...i mean yes you posted a no show verse but still i posted a no show verse but i still came good.

V/ Wireless no offense ennui but he did a lil more better
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Old 07-04-06, 12:18 AM   #10
~Luciano~
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Wireless wins

Ennui (1-1)

Wireless (2-0)
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