http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=226457
http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=227157

Wrote this for my parents last may to express my appreciation for holdin' it together while helping me keep my head focused on what's important while growin' up through the years.

You know mom I’ve entered this life an’ you’ve never suspended the right
You gave to me when it started, we’ve never parted cold-hearted
An’ ya heart has been darted by these past men that we were supposed to look up to
But it was hope that you stuck to, an’ you wished that everything would get better
An’ it did in time, we all know that we’ve come a long way, although
Some whose wrong say, you couldn’t do it, but we stayed flowin like fluid
We have a lot to show for to prove it, an’ most fold on the course that you rid
Remember back at the buckeye when you were working late to support us
An’ I hate that these neighbors would go out their way to report us
But you had to do what you did to keep a roof over our head
There’s one Dude over my head who put our might over strife on this ride in our life
I’ve seen you cry when you felt like you couldn’t even go on
All the financial pressure an’ stress, you wondered where did you go wrong
I never wished you were strong because you’ve always proved to be that
Don’t matter how I’m shootin’ these facts, but you’ve always been true to the max
Jennifer, Aaron, and I have messed a few times but some more than others
Sometimes things happen, an’ things can force a mother to stop tha ride that she drives
An’ take a course of another, but we stuck together an’ realized we needed more than each other
An’ now I move on to thank a super human being an’ blessin’
It’s not now that you see me confessin’, but I need you I’m stressing
You been in our life since I stood waist high, since I looked up to you
An’ I grew to look up to you as a father even though now I am taller
I’ve called you stepdad but I’m willin to take the “step” back an’ put the “dad” forward alone
So now you’re forced on a throne, a seat up top, forever infinite eminent
An’ now you can look back on a life in which you would never be sent again
Witnessin’ missions sent, by God Himself to give you some challenges
An’ with everything that we been through you can see how foul it gets
Calluses forms on you internally from all the work that you put in
But the way you’re servin’ it won’t end, because you do it better than most
You’re at the head of the post, achievements don’t come off as cocky, so forget it an’ boast
Letting you know you’re the best dad, well that’s just a heads up to most
I’ve been blessed with the best parents, you both wanna know what a talent is?
Putting everything behind “us” like the rest of the alphabet
no longer do we know what a challege is an’ from now on
we will use our time an’ minds to sooth out the rough flesh an’ it’s calluses

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up-in-your-girl. ^

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This was a nice verse ! very emotional,.. but the structure was
horrible,.. which made it hard to find the flow ! I didn't find it in
some places... You used some nice vocab at times but nothing
eye catching to entice my imagination, u didn't really paint an
image of what was going on.

You just need to up your complexity,...

Stay up

1~

i've rapped this to over 100 people....it flows perfect, i promise. and for some reason, everyone says "u didn't really paint an
image of what was going on." in everyones open mics. is imagery crucial for the success of the piece? not to me. i simply split it up thanking each of my parents, do you actually want some descriptive insight about how everything looked, what we were doing when i read it to them, blah blah blah? i've been rappin' since 18, i'm 21. there's not one area i need to work on. how about feed on multis? metas? similes? thanks.

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i though it was koo , i liked the stepdad line a lot

goodlookin'

up-in-your-girl ^

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Good Shit, You Know How To Put Words Together, Seems Like You Writen Acapella Doe, That Dont Read Like It Would Go Witt An Instrumental...eitha That Or You Just Cant Ride A Beat And You All Over The Track Mumblin Words To Fit 'em In A Line.

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