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View Poll Results: wut u think? | |||
dope | 0 | 0% | |
hott | 0 | 0% | |
iight | 1 | 100.00% | |
sux, burn it | 0 | 0% | |
Voters: 1. You may not vote on this poll |
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01-31-04, 09:27 AM | #1 | ||||||
New to RB
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Suicide
IP: FEAD FB22
Suicide, Suicide, Suicide, it's like music to the ears
This incredible act that can rid you of all those fears The last hope you have when no solutions can appear Going through the day thinking of how it can be done The second the thought comes, your end has begun A gun, a knife, rope, pills, or a leap out of a window Many different possibilities of just how you will go Majority choose the knife, they take it to the wrist Or at times to the neck, either one fufills your wish Take some pills, and drink water then you drift away Coming up with colorful ways on how you'll display Yourself when you'll be discovered, maybe covered In blood, arms all red, a pool surrounding both sides Or under a lawnmower revealing all of your insides Cups of bleach or even purposely drown at the beach While you're with mom and dad and your little bro They'll be alright as long as they never get to know It wasn't an accident, right? You were just being nice You can goto school, grab some gasoline and a light Set yourself on fire infront of peers, watch you ingite Fire alarm goes off, kids in shock, watching you burn You're not even screaming, this was an act well earned You're in a kitchen, making yourself a snack to eat As you go by the oven and feel the sense of the heat And make up your mind and stick your head inside Then parents come home and smell you from outside You lay in your room, it's late, you just got dumped As you put a bag over your head cause of that cunt It's late, you get in your car, turn it on and you'll wait Taking deep breathes, inhaling fumes, it's your date With death, your departure from this sick cruel Earth Taking back your birth, ending this untolerable curse And making it so you're the one in a back of a herse As you lay in the furnished coffin as you're put to rest Your friend at your funeral decides that he'll be next Already bought the gun to obtain a meeting with death The repeating cycle, the ones who chose their own fate It's right to him, wrong to some, an irreversable mistake But at this rate, those against even at times will debate Whether or not to live, It has crossed everyones mind You can't deny it, you all know that at one point in time You've debated your own life, at one point you hate it But, some realize that Life is just what you make of it And as of right now, I've got this urge deep down inside As I start to cry as the idea of Suicide crosses my mind |
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01-31-04, 09:21 PM | #2 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: FEAD FB22
come on ya'll don't sleep on dis right here, uppin
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01-31-04, 09:42 PM | #3 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: 19AF 50C1
i think this was well expressed a gloomtoopic made interesting need minor work on expression of detail but it was powerful.
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02-01-04, 12:43 AM | #4 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: A2E6 CC04
deep shit...nice flow...
would be dope if you elevated it slightly... keep spittin... |
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02-01-04, 06:51 AM | #5 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: FEAD FB22
thanx fo the comments i'll take 'em to mind......uppin for more
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02-02-04, 12:22 AM | #6 | ||||
Word.
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IP: DD10 0DFF
Yeah this was alright here man....kinda a long read but it was worth it i thought.....structure was good in this....had good emotion in this, some parts i could relate to in a way....flow was good in this, stayed on point through the whole thing...keep at it man.
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02-02-04, 06:16 AM | #7 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: FEAD FB22
thanx man, yea sry bout the length lol, uppin
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02-02-04, 06:31 AM | #8 | |||||||
.-.Marxism.-.
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IP: C4E4 7A46
Well.. Lets start shall we?
Your concept.. Isn't terribly original if not a degree away from played. Suicide is a common topic with you depressed middle class kids! But nonetheless this was an alright read.. Nothing terribly mind-blowing. Much like reading a grade-school poem, minus the death part. And I cannot stress enough to everyone that.. Smileys do not have any added effect in your open mic and they just look stupid. Ahh, now your rhyme scheme was a tad simple.. I caught the occasional multi.. But no real internal/external rhymes happening at all. You're not all that bad.. You just need to work on internal/external rhyme scheme and come up with a half-decent topic and just keep writing. Stay up. pz. eripsni- EDIT - Also, never ever post a poll in open mic.. You won't get better by looking at the votes.. You'll get better from the comments that people leave. |
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02-02-04, 08:42 AM | #9 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: E618 231E
Yeah this was pretty good actually, surprising as I don't usually read in open mic.
The flow was good, really started to get into it. =Good Last edited by MuSick : 02-02-04 at 08:42 AM. Reason: wrong spelling |
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02-02-04, 04:37 PM | #10 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: FEAD FB22
thanx musick, uhhhh inspire, who gave u the right to call me a depressed middle calss kid, u don't kno shit about me or my life so don't start shit u don't kno about
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02-05-04, 09:41 PM | #11 | ||||||
New to RB
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IP: FEAD FB22
uppin for sum more replies
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