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11-04-03, 08:48 PM | #1 | ||||||
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Maturity
IP: A044 7DA1
Im so serious that my angry eyes make angels cry
and when I start to rhyme I spontatiously combust inside and my lack of pride combines with my tactless strides and defies my family ties that Ive left behind and I apoligize for what was said but when I go to bed with an uneven head Im better off fred flintstone if I make a bedrock should I atone? should I hold the phone and be like OH NO guess where I'm Gon' Hell Im better off swell so I can rock my micky mouse ears and come equipped for show and tell Wont fail first grade Ill just sip lemonade as a promanade across my ice capade charade covered in shade from the palm trees that fade when I start to count the days til the rain drenches my pretentious parade maybe its all a game Monopoly and Im the fucking thimble! so I'll keep it simple so as not to offend my dimples cuz Im a shirley temple of insecurities mixed with obscurity with a tiny twist of purity left behind from the nursery now Im cursing these phantom ration cash-in cyclones leavin me hangin in the balance while Im rop'n in my typo-s like F7 spellcheck my way in to heaven so once I get there I can correct my god for giving me sloppy seconds she only likes me when Im rhymin that two-timin pile-drivin kinivin striving towards diamond dyke in vikatin indecisive sirens SPIKE IT IN! Like volleyball while naked Im rhymin private and fast break paced as I waste time like violent violin islands Im Surrounded! Im confounded to what the bounc’n fountain pens allow’n but that’s not the reason Im frownin It’s the class-clown'n that im downin with a chaser full of humility it’s the round kids who eat mcdonalds like fat calories were nobilities it’s the social disabilities that keep me cheese standin by my lonesome no its just me myself and I but I can’t deny I’ve grown some Last edited by Walter Wall : 11-04-03 at 09:19 PM. |
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11-04-03, 09:09 PM | #2 | ||||||
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IP: A044 7DA1
Replied to:
Mentill - Nobody's Perfect fgee - Suicide Dream $pitacular - Sinner Jus-10 - Short Keystyle Last edited by Walter Wall : 11-04-03 at 10:12 PM. |
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11-04-03, 09:16 PM | #3 | ||||||
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
pretty dope drop kid
very abstract in parts vocab etc cant be criticised and the flow was on point liked this quite alot some quite funny stuff and serious mixed in liked the way you ended it too ..well executed plenty quotables too..too many good lines to quote a favorite i'll peep more of your shit in future props |
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11-04-03, 10:11 PM | #4 | ||||||
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IP: A044 7DA1
^thx fgee
It's tight to get a vet opinion .....Upp'n for sum more feedback |
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11-04-03, 10:23 PM | #5 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 8AFF 7D25
pretty dope drop man.....was kinda hard to understand at some parts but then again it made it seem too complex for the average person and makes u seem like a fucking genious (and yes that's a compliment)...
ur rhymes was pretty tite and so was the flow...this would be nice on audio if u could add a hook n shit in it... overall dope drop keep it up
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<center> I.J.L</center> |
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11-04-03, 11:05 PM | #6 | ||||||
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IP: A044 7DA1
^gracias
I spit shit offline all the time but I dont have a mic or nothing to record with really as soon as I get me sum moneys, I'll look into that |
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11-04-03, 11:44 PM | #7 | |||||||
Light Weight
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IP: E38C 4580
Dope cuz. Enjoyed the read. Flow got a little choppy on the longer lines, but I overlooked it. Had alotta quotables dog, too many to list. Multi's galore.. loved that. Like fgee said, humor mixed with seriousness.. that made the piece that much better.
for what was said but when I go to bed with an uneven head Im better off fred flintstone if I make a bedrock should I atone? ^^ My personal fave bar. Dope shit. Keep droppin.. i'll keep my eyes open for more from you. -Formula. **Mind droppin a reply to this: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=89771 Greatly Appreciated **
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INSTANT. . |
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11-05-03, 01:09 PM | #8 | ||||||
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IP: 7A52 73B1
upp'n
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11-05-03, 02:56 PM | #9 | |||||||
Middle Weight
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IP: 3354 DAC6
^ You Didnt KO Me In LLL YOu Fucking Bullshitter, Take That Out, Lol. .
This piece was decent, bar length kinda threw the flow, you seemed to try packing too much into too short a verse and it sacrificed the flow to do so. You had a few good concepts, they just needed better wording etc, transition needs a little work, again, nothing major, but if you ironed out the flaws you could make this ten times better. Not a bad read though, you have potential. Pz. |
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11-05-03, 05:56 PM | #10 | ||||||
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IP: A044 7DA1
^lol at you comment bout my sig....
Its cuz you got banned as seraphe when I was up against you in LLL its technically true, but everyone knows it's a joke heh, Ill replace it with amends name as soon as I beat him in LLL this week |
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11-05-03, 07:43 PM | #11 | |||||||
The Golden Chyld
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IP: 17B3 6207
This was a pretty nice piece ... Imagery was on point ... U used a lot of multi's in there ... Which is aight ... But at times it threw off the flow ... That was really the only set back I seen in this piece really ... Everythin' else was aight ... Was a nice read overall ... Keep droppin' man ... Peace
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