http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99771
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99361
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99331

im stacking my chances
like a parapalegic who breaks his neck at break dances (repeatedly)
fake enhancements
Carry me to engage and relate to the basis of creative advancements
i cant stand kids who choose to swim in sand dunes
amidst mountains of ruins (worthlessness)
this sequence with no end explosion
getting loaded off devoting their craft to pick pocketing
and im not talking about kids who rip businesses
im speakin of motherfuckers that shoplift their own faces
a deliberate displacement of personal origins wasted
…what a great new trend
horrible endorsements
hoarding their corpses into copy cat courtships
in all honestly im bored with it
forced like whores into the conformist orbit
how fucking morbid, to attack these anticlimactic habits
and I did
created my own vampire so the sun could watch me stab at it
alter ego bit my neck glady
for attempting to wreck the connection between the blessed degenerates
and sadly I seek definite revenge
against this spreading dead sentiment


lets get some feed back...

(just dont say the flow is off, u dont know how i rap it)

leave a link and i'll hit up your open mic....

yo man this was alright....ya Structure was alright But i could Use some Work but structure isn't every thing in Open mics...ya Flow was quit Nice man not much Wrong with It........ya Wordplay and ya Vocab was Pretty good and made the Image betta...so this was a nice Piece good to read.....
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99801
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=97934
can ya Hit them up for me they are my Latest Open Mics....thanks P.€.a.c.€.

Yeah this was alright i thought...structure could use some work though i think, try to keep all your lines around the same length so its structure good and so it doesnt take away from the flow of things....vocab was good in this i thought.....overall this was a good piece..keep at it.

in my opinion, there wasnt nuthin wrong with the structure it still flowed ok.....some nice shit thrown in here....vocab was decent...keep workin it..and the concept seemed ok....pZ

yo man that was a straight piece ya had there thought it could had better structure def. but there was some nice bars in there though keep on workingon ya structur thoguh i see some potential inside ya verse though.... nice work... good verse for tha first ive seen here...OnE

gives a fuck... this shyt was ill hypo type ish... i was feelin it fa sho

structure don't mean shyt... its all about flow... kids grade shyt on wrong terms... fucking gay... but dunny i flowed every word... scheme was coo... somthing like mine a lil... good ish dunny...

Caesar on3

I liked it. Structure need work, but you should at least type it up so we can read it easily. Nice vocab.

Some good wordplay. Weird subject but that's cool. Can't say the topic is played.

Some of the rhymes and flows were stretched, trying a little too hard. But maybe it sounds better audio.

Good work, soldja.

not bad.. make ya rhyme scheme more complex.. toss some harder punches in there.. tone it off wit some vocab/imagery and youll be straight