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View Poll Results: Who won this battle? | |||
Hemz | 0 | 0% | |
~Lady Fiya~ | 1 | 100.00% | |
Voters: 1. You may not vote on this poll |
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05-11-05, 07:07 PM | #1 | |
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Hemz vs ~Lady Fiya~
IP: 07A8 D079
Hemz vs. ~Lady Fiya~
Battle Type: Topical Topic = Coping with Amputated Limbs 30 Lines MAX No Crew Votes No Recycling No Biting No Bullshit Good Luck, due tonight 30 minute check in.. and due by midnight. Minimum posts to vote: 1000 Check in by: 05-11-05 at 07:37 PM Must drop verse in 360 minutes after check in. |
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05-11-05, 07:09 PM | #2 | |
Guest
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IP: 07A8 D079
~Lady Fiya~ has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-11-05 07:09 PM.
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05-11-05, 07:10 PM | #3 | |
Guest
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IP: 47F7 0494
Hemz has ACCEPTED this battle on 05-11-05 07:10 PM.
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05-11-05, 07:11 PM | #4 | |
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IP: 07A8 D079
Coping With Amputated Legs *Setting/Realization* Lights flicker above my body, my eyes suddenly open to a wide space I saw my face reflected in the bulb that died out, I can’t recall this place Or which way I entered, I just seen four blank walls… a swinging ivy Right beside me and this white bed, reason why I’m here? It might be That the dream of me having an terrible accident has really happened I told myself I wouldn’t drink last night, how many glasses did I hit? I tried to forget and began to lift my body and felt restraints on my arm Similar to the ones on insane patients, I had a few bruises slightly charred Then my leg had a sudden itch, I shook the sheets off so I can get to it When I glanced down..there was a wrap.. old blood had seeped through it I felt my nerves jerk back and forth, at the bottom half of my missing limb I wanted to get up and woke again, involuntary I screamed nurses can in Grabbed my arms as I yelled “Let me go!” All I heard was my heartbeat Some guy in a light-blue suit entered and gave me a shot giving me peace. …….. *Leaving the Hospital* I spent a week in that room, I was told the situation.. why my legs are gone I thought of how I would never dance again.. how I can’t spend nights alone Doctors gave the ok for me to leave, go to my house in a wheelchair tonight From the original four-wheels I totaled in a horrible accident that one night I can’t drive, my brother takes up my wheelchair wasting a good ten minutes Just to take me home, another 15 minutes to set it back up like the beginning I can’t open the door, I felt like a midget looking up to the door knob.. No reach I have people waiting on me for just about everything, what’s life without feet Every morning I awake to vigorous shaking because my legs still exist in spirit And give me harsh seizures, more medicine given like clockwork to ease feelings I can have to learn to jump on the countertop to get a clean glass just for a drink ...but I reminisce on the day that started it all, driving unconscious I can’t think Of how and why a loving God would let me exist with such a cruel punishment But then again I respect the fact I’m given a second chance so I’mma run with it Lord tell me how do I go out in public again, He says “You have a testimony to tell” I met the devil, the car I put down to the pedal could have sent me straight to hell
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05-11-05, 07:53 PM | #5 | |
Flyweight
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IP: 47F7 0494
The next day... I'm lying in the hospital bed, staring in shock at the bandaged stump In a daze at the day of my accident, caused by a minor speed bump But the car seemed to think differently, as it careened into the trees Airbags exploding like fireworks, the collision scraping my mother's knees But in the back seat, life is different, and it seemed Ford has made a mistake Crash causing my arm to break, only because she forgot the brakes And the seatbelt, my own guardian failed me, snapped like a twig And my arm caught in the door... the DOOR!... I'm not sure how I'll live Why do I have to be hurt like this? Why can't bad things come to a bad man? Why do I have to write this journal entry with my non-dominant hand? Why do I... losing my train of thought, all I can focus on is the game Watching it played right in front of me, knowing life will never be the same My scholarship useless, my ticket to "the good life" having been snatched away I've come to realize it was all a lie, dreaming of being the Jordan of my day Forget my girl, my family, without my left hand, nothing is right 'Cuz no one takes their gifts for granted, until that gift is out of sight No one understands my plight, no one can really conceive my struggle My body lost one left hand in the crash... and my spirit felt it double Thinking how everything was fine up 'til then, how this could come to be And then reality hits me on my diagnostic: ICU Patient - Registered as Amputee The day before... The trees pass us by in a blur, as I sit at the car window, watching Coming up on the road on the way to my game, reviewing my shot blocking Two more games and we're in the season! I'm confident we will win Seeing my beautiful spot shot soaring through the air, watching it spin Marvin Gaye on the radio, my mother singing the words out of tune Looking up at the 5:00 azure sky, taking in the beauty of the quarter moon Then all of a sudden, a bump, car spinning out of control, smacks into a redwood The world rocks, my arm locked in the crushed door, head hitting the hood I wake up suddenly, and pain explodes, wondering what the crash did to me Yelling out loud, tears streaming, I look over to the left... And the rest is history. |
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05-11-05, 07:55 PM | #6 | |
Flyweight
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IP: 47F7 0494
Oh, and for some reason I thought it was "Coping With Amputated Limbs", so just say that, and make it legs for you and arms for me.
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05-11-05, 08:01 PM | #7 | |
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IP: 07A8 D079
lol good luck, nice piece...............
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05-12-05, 06:30 PM | #8 | |
Flyweight
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IP: 47F7 0494
Uppin this battle... Vote on this, ya'll... word...
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05-14-05, 06:23 PM | #9 | |
Flyweight
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IP: 47F7 0494
WTF... Uppin this.
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05-15-05, 02:15 PM | #10 | |
Banned: Cheating
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IP: 31E1 91F6
Voted For: ~Lady Fiya~
hemz- I liked the creativitie. How you started off in the future, then went back in time and explained everything. That was nice, and indeed the highlight of your verse in my opinion. I didn't see too much intelligence in your verse. Some pretty simple 3rd grade vocab/rhyming. But, you had some good imagination. I was into your verse, and I understood. Nice Drop! Lady-You also had a strong verse. You had wayy more intelligence in this one. Your vocab was nice, and your rhyming wasnt predictable. I liked your imagination, but I dont think you came harder with creativitie. Hemz gets that category, but you had a overall nice drop. You stuck to the topic well, and I was able to understand your verse. Overall-Ima hafto give this one to lady because I felt she came off a lil harder with sticking to the topic. Hemz, going back to the day before was nice and creative, but i felt it was just a lil off topic. Both had good imagination, but I felt lady had a lil bit more. Her sensory detail was better. Lady gets my overall vote though. I felt her verse was just a lil bit stronger, but indeed a close battle. plz RTF on this battle link http://community.rapverse.com/showb...47&page=3&pp=15 Nice battle. ~1~ |
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05-15-05, 10:43 PM | #11 |
New to RV
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This was feedback posted for Hemz
IP: 5F34 5051
i like that, that was pretty damn nice............
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05-16-05, 05:25 PM | #12 | |
Flyweight
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IP: 47F7 0494
Intelligence?
Um... confused. This is a story piece. If you mean complexity, okay. Intelligence? What's the foundation? |
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05-26-05, 06:13 PM | #13 | |
Flyweight
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IP: 47F7 0494
Uppin this fuckin' again... Damn.
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05-27-05, 11:09 AM | #14 | |
==bLaCk-HanD==
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This was feedback posted for ~Lady Fiya~
IP: 4002 2D38
Da Post Count In Diz Battle Iz Way Big Did U Add A Zero On Accident
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==I Don't Rhyme, I Just Explain Shit Real Good==
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06-24-05, 12:03 PM | #15 | |
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IP: 07A8 D079
uppin this battle... forgot this was still here...
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