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Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio ![]() |
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Middle Weight
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Damien
IP: FBB6 BBA3
DAMIEN
Problem: I'm walking down the hall with my girl by a class I see dudes outa the corner of my eye staring at her ass they look at me and start to crack up and laugh Damien: nigga, look at that shit they checking out ya girls shit u know they thinking bout hitting it!!!// go over there and bust their faces open knock they ass out and leave they heads broken go over there, kill them niggas, let em know u aint jokin c’mon nigga they messing with your girl, get focused// they laughing now what are u gonna start rapping now? bitch stop being a bitch and start cracking now!!!// sleepy: man, just calm down and chill out remember everything ya girl was talking about there’s three of em, so get your head out da clouds if ya go over there ya gonna get ya ass knocked out// niggas these days are bound to stare fighting everyone u see aint fair what u gonna do? break they heads open with a chair?// after that shit they’ll send yo ass to jail u wanna turn out like ya dad? old and pale? if ya kill the guy, yo ass is going straight to hell!!!// brian: I looked the other way my ass aint going to jail this day I need to find a way to get rid of this crave later that night I started to pray// needed strength to get rid of Damien needed strength murdering him shit, now im crying, going out on a limb how the fuck is this guy always getting in?// god, help me get rid of this demon!! damien:nigga im always staying in!! sleepy:get outa here u cant get him to commit sin!! damien:shut the fuck up, therse no way i wont win! Sleepy:get outa here ya future's grim damien:fine then nigga, but ill be back again!! the Prayer: tears flow down my eyes im alone, cant let no one see my cries so much pain as wat i love dies time to end the ties with despise from now on this mind will be wise hopefully ill end up with the ultimate prize// please god bless me... god does love me I know he sees as everything evil in my soul does decrease this demon will be destroyed and deceased// ima keep praying to el espirito Santo please god help me not to sin tanto// I wanna be a good person but Damien doesn’t let me see repercussions he says I should break heads and leave noses busted he tells me to hurt people and feel proud about it but now I see my errorous ways and u I shoulda trusted...// now that im trying to remove despair I sit down before god, he has a great stare I see that there are people that really care god is fair and I see the love that he shares thank you god, for u I give this prayer.... (explanations:espirito santo=holy spirit, and "tanto"=much)
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![]() Po'Ethics.
Last edited by L.A.STR~E~TZ : 01-08-04 at 08:20 AM. |
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..Soft Focus..
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IP: 1B3B C284
Interesting way of structering this piece. the stanzas really stood out to me. You put a great deal of emotion into almost every line which was very unique i thought this was a well presented piece. good drop
and the topical battle for your try out in sf is up...good luck mayn Can you peep something in my sig thanks
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Open Mics The Weathers Art http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=108673 My Teenage Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...threadid=104850 Secluded http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...851#post1148851 Open Your Eyes http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...461#post1157461 |
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Atra Ludio or Hip-Hop?
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IP: EC0B 84C7
This was pretty damn good.
Remind's me way to much of DMX's Damien songs. But I've only heard one, so bleh. I'm definitly feeling the emotions. I'm actually feeling it too because I know exactly where you're coming from. I've felt that kind of scheiße before. Except I didn't call him Damien, I called him puberty. Same thing though, to a lesser extant. ~Shalom~ |
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Guest
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IP: 399E F0FD
Wow, this had a lot of emotion and feeling in it. I can relate to it a lot, feelin like that. I liked this a lot. Good work. Keep it up
Fav lines: tears flow down my eyes im alone, cant let no one see my cries so much pain as wat i love dies |
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Middle Weight
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IP: D873 626E
thanx for the feedback everyone. im sorry i havent replied to any of ure poems, im tryin out for soft focucs and i gotta write a good poem. so after a while ill be back to writing for this forum and givin feedback to yall. everyone i know seems to like this poem, oh and yes it was inspired by damien 3 by dmx.
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shawty"B"
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IP: 4577 CD9A
hey i like this one alot!!! I can relate to this one very well in some points. necromancer is right... it sounds like puberty but also in everyday life i think that theres millions of people who live through what you've put into words.
FAVORITE PART.... but now I see my errorous ways and u I shoulda trusted...// now that im trying to remove despair I sit down before god, he has a great stare I see that there are people that really care god is fair and I see the love that he shares thank you god, for u I give this prayer.... KEEP IT UP!!!!!!! |
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