Well after a Fight and stuff with my friend.... ehhh I just thrw this together see what you think if it's bad what ever I just had to write...

Use to be bangin, flippin the script, thought I had all the shit, wasn't afraid to empty a clip, but then I realized from a promise to my friend, that all that would end according to the click of AIM and a message he sent, So I ripped out a pen and start writing my mind, figured I was worthless and should be left behind, I shouldn't cry but what he said, made sense I'll never be chillin with Eminem or 50 cent, My heart has a huge dent because of some shit that I shouldn't have said or did, or even thought of for that matter, cause everything else in my life just ends in fucken disaster, I was put on this earth just to s uffer, after helpin out friend's I get nothin in return but fucken words that hurt worse then a spinning rutter, its tougher then I thought to be a bad ass, thought I was hot till that idea got eliminated fast, it crashed as he said, that I wasn't tryin, fuck what I said nigga now this white guy is cryin, and rhymein about shit he has done, I guess I should end this from a bulet loaded in my gun, and get blown away hey I'm utterly worthless the world doesn't need me I'm just a roach on the surface. But not its too late to fix any of my wealth, cause I fucken hate myself.

Sorry for the typo's and horrible structure I just wrote it on the spirt of the moment

you definatly need to work on your structure...you also need to work on multies.......this makes it extremly difficult to read, and i think some of your punches were weak.....it had a lot of feeling to it, you just need to really do your structure up better, so we as readers can see just how great the piece really is........pz

yeah this was ok.....like Echo said work on your structure, dont put it in paragraph form like that, put it line on top of line cause in paragraph it makes it harder to read for some people and it throws the flow off...and work on your multies as well....you had emotion which made this better...but keep at it.