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Old 01-14-04, 08:28 AM   #1
P-E-Z
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I Aint Goin Out!

IP: 3375 6F67

LIFES DEVERSTATIN SOMETIMES IT CAUSES SO MUCH DEPRESSION,
IM HAVE SO MUCH ON MY BACK, FEELS LIKE IM CARRYIN 10 TON,
SOME TIMES U THINK ITS GOIN ALRIGHT AND YA DAYS R GONNA GET BETA,
BUT THA STORM ROLLS IN AGAIN, AND YA DAYZ JUST GET WETTER,
I WRITE MY RHYMES TRYNA EASE THA PAIN IN MY HEART,
IT WORKS A LITTLE, IM DOIN MY BEST I FEEL, IM PLAYIN MY PART,
YEAH THIS IS MY LIFE, I HAVE LOST CONTROL AS THA WORLD KEEPS TURNIN,
IM BREAKIN INTO A SWEAT, ITS GETTIN HOTTER AS THA FIRES OF HELL KEEP BURNIN,
WHAT YOU GOTTA DO JUST TO GET A CHANCE 2 SHINE AND BE HEARD,
I WANNA ACCOMPLISH AND REACH HIGH GOALS, SO GIVE ME THA WINGS OF THA STRONGEST BIRD,
I WANNA BECOME A STAR AND LIVE IN A WORLD FULL OF COMFORT AND EASE,
I WANNA LEAVE MY LIFE OF GUILT + SIN, GOD HELP ME PLEASE,
MANY PEOPLE AINT LIVED A LIFE LIKE I HAVE, THEY AINT GOT A CLUE,
WOT I WUD DO JUST TO REGAIN MY STRENGHTS, AND REMOVE THA CLOUDS SO THA SKIES BLUE,
IM ON MY KNEES ASKIN FOR SUPPORT TRYNA FIGURE WOT LIFES ABOUT,
I HAVE NOW DECIDED ITS HARD,BUT IM STAYIN FOCUSED ON MY GOALS, I AINT GOIN OUT!

WOT U THINK? GET BK 2 ME OR EMAIL ME AT: MICPEZ40@HOTMAIL.COM

Last edited by P-E-Z : 01-14-04 at 08:53 AM.
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Old 01-14-04, 06:38 PM   #2
Menik
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This was alright man....but lose the caps.....structure was ok, just try to shorten your lines down a bit, they were stretched out there and it threw off the flow in this piece....you had some alright vocab through out it though....flow was ok....Try adding some more multies to this though....but keep at it.
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