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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-24-04, 01:41 PM
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#1
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Fuck You, I'm Iller
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Street Lights
IP: 843C 2CD1
Street lights
A night of tossing and turning... ...almost absent of sleep Nerves upturned knowing in the morning ...he will finally drop to the single knee . . . . Morning brings nerves as James tries to perfect the words to say Hoping her reply will bring forth such an unforgettable day Cant help but to smile from ear to ear as he pictures the reaction But the nerves raise his hearbeat to the point he has to push it back in Prepares for the task at hand trying to look perfect but time crawls Seems like miles go by trying to get to the ride at the end of the apartment halls Emotions constantly slip and fall, but in the heart James must be right Finally reaches the car, checks the mirrors... ... and once again replays those words he has in store for tonight Praparations fall into place, pictures her face at the sight of the rock Reflects on the love thats formed from sleepless nights with soulful talk Almost to the intersection but cars have stopped, on Aurora and Shale So hurried to call the cell to make a new time, but only got voice mail Just a slight set back, she must be busy, maybe had to stay late But no harm done, called Sage, and pushed back our dinner date "Oh great" James thinks as firetrucks and ambulances rush by Thinking why today had to be the day idiots tried to drive Becoming worried, James gets voice mail again, followed by calls to Sage Its sad how nerves can turn such a minute inconvenience to rage 30 minutes go by and for some reason James' stomach starts to sink Cell rings, but its not the right tone. Instead the ID reads... Mercy Clinic So he starts to think, I lost my father last week, did my mother go? And as the phone approaches his ear James' stomach is now glued to the floor "Hello" he says with an uneasy tone, hands shaking, almost dropping the phone "I'm sorry inform you your brother Mark has just been hurt... his car - T-Boned Tears begin to fall. "Is he ok?, how about the other car?, was anyone with him at all? "He's already gone sir, and a girl - Carrie is still stuck, frame is still being sawed" Could it be? Carrie? do they mean mine? It cant be!!! "Whats her last name?" "Carrie Todd" "Oh god...... No... "Will she live?, Is she in pain?" "I'm sorry sir, but word just came through, she isnt going to make it" And at that moment, the realness of the whole stiuation began to hit Senses overloaded, its like connection not meant to be started to spark And then the phone drops, James looks up and honestly wishes he were Mark Its doesnt make sense, but for some reason all the thoughts are in his head But the one above all is his jealousy of the recently dead Another 20 minutes, finally traffic begins to move again But James stays still, fearing where he should have been Too emotionally drained to put the foot on the gas Cant believe ...he lost love so shortly after accepting it at last Thoughts relax, but still knows life will be tough Especially the thought of not getting to heaven soon enough Throughout the years been through a bunch But now is the time for to endure true fights But its odd how a trip for lunch Would put his emotions through the cycle of the street's traffic lights
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<center> Did I Beat You Before? Yeah, Probably -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better- |
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01-24-04, 01:49 PM
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#2
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Over Weight
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IP: 9BD5 1687
Dope..Poor James..he got played..I feel bad for him..
Nice imagry..with the flow and vocab to go with it.. I still love the concept and how you twisted it.. This was a dope piece..only a few times did I lose hold.. Of the flow..So..I give oyu E-Props.. dope
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Soft Focus Suicide Inc. RhymeVantage Def.Ill Ghost-Writers Retarded people's heads are to big..I'll be back with something just as funny as watching the Special Olympics..don't worry..
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01-24-04, 01:55 PM
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#3
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Nigga Ima OG.
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IP: B03C 8063
this was quite a nice piece..
It had everything it needed: Vocab,Flow,A Nice Concept.. I actually liked the ending alot for some reason... Now if you could please return the favor: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=109404
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OG Status My people skills are way better then yours, nigga.. |
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01-24-04, 02:02 PM
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#4
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 4577 CD9A
..an as aways a pleasure reading your stuff..and yes..James did get played..great imagery..one of the best I've seen so far..content was excellent..you truly are a great storyteller..(koatlee's broken silence was a little better though..LOL~~)..I just hope to write like this one day...
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01-24-04, 04:44 PM
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#5
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Fuck You, I'm Iller
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IP: 843C 2CD1
Thank you
__________________
<center> Did I Beat You Before? Yeah, Probably -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better- |
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01-25-04, 01:29 AM
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#6
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Fuck You, I'm Iller
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IP: 843C 2CD1
44 views with 3 replies.
If you fucks read this... leave feedback
__________________
<center> Did I Beat You Before? Yeah, Probably -An Original RB Member: Yes, We're That Much Better- |
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