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01-24-04, 12:57 AM | #1 | |
New to RB
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The Dreamer
IP:
The eternal bleeding keeps this man believing
Without reason theres no hope for achieving So he grips delay..lets the life slowly play For the shadows gray..an the man lost his way But the moment severs..dreams are forever ..Opens His Mind.. The huminly treasure..and focuses on plesure Thus sees true meaning..devils stop screaming His head stops leaning..he begins to dreaming Reaches out slow..as does a flower preparing to grow As the peek climaxes pro..he sores as easily as a crow With out a worry in sight..just a moment thats right A dream from his life.. realising.. Dreams are special..not a dramatic sacrifice So he reaches for his priorities..and grasps to his wishes Determinly grabs fates maturity..prays..so angles listen Granted him a unselfish command.. ..that.. He could become an honest man |
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01-24-04, 06:30 AM | #2 | ||
1E
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IP:
thought it had good flow, but it seemed repetative, the way you rhymed it... some internals would take that away... make it read better... also watch the syllables... keep at it
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01-24-04, 10:07 AM | #3 | |
New to RB
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IP:
^^thanks uppen
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01-24-04, 10:14 AM | #4 | |
Guest
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IP:
Yea i was deffinately feelin this verse... I agree with Dev that it came off a lil repetative tho...
The eternal bleeding keeps this man believing Without reason theres no hope for achieving So he grips delay..lets the life slowly play For the shadows gray..an the man lost his way ^^Feelin this - 1d |
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01-24-04, 10:26 AM | #5 | ||
Banned: Spamming
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IP:
..Not bad..not bad at all..good flow..although it was a little repetitive..decent rhyme scheme..overall decent..
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