Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio |
02-06-04, 01:47 AM | #1 | ||||||
Guest
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M.e.
IP: C1DA C961
yo cops hated on the industry found ways to offend me/
good license but the law always found ways to suspend me/ on the run from innocent crimes that i made/ tried climbing out but found myself digging deeper my grave/ kept the tent on my glass the judge steady screaming behave/ still playin wit weeds and rock like i was born in a cave/ this rap shit knowledge me an polished me shining like brass knuckles/ still know i'm hard but spit lyrics sweeter than honeysuckles/ and niggaz gon start fearing me like the return of the father/ as i end ya career as the life an times of sean carter/ better have a lot of protection or dissapper when i pull that switch back/ let off slugs the size of light bulbs straight through ya throwback/ nothingless this open mic is all about me/ as i get this site discovered like white girls wit double D's/ I spit words to kill sounds of death u never heard of/ and I'm bout to be put on trial for words of attempted murder/ |
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02-06-04, 02:01 AM | #2 | ||||||
Guest
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IP: C1DA C961
Let me Know if I gotta deal coming
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02-06-04, 03:58 AM | #3 | |||||||
Flyweight
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decent, dunno bout a deal
IP: 22D2 4A11
It had good structure,(might wanna take those ugly // of the end of eachline)
good multies, (try to make em bigger more relating,) decent vocab (work on it) good flow (you could lengthen em) Always elevate I ALWAYS read alot , it HELPS!! JamesJr. I dunno if you're gonna get a deal (yet atleast)
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undefined Love for all real lyricists and poets ~~~~~~~~ Open Mics http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=112397 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111729 2nd Battle NEEDS 4 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=111647 http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=110858 |
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02-06-04, 04:36 AM | #4 | |||||||
New to RB
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IP: EC0B 84C7
nice. flowed pretty evenly. structure could use sum work. vocab was decent.
not much meaning but it was a good read. there were a few multies in there. but overall. pretty nice work. keep at it. hit mines up wen i post it. thanx peace
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<center>"There Will Always Be Someone Better Than You...<center></center>...As Long As I Exist"</center> |
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02-06-04, 01:29 PM | #5 | ||||
Word.
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IP: DD10 0DFF
This was ok.....structure could be fixed up a bit, and like James said get rid of the / at the end of your lines, no need for them.....content was ok, could have been better i thought....had some ok multies in the begining...try adding some more through out the piece though....but keep at it man.
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