RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 02-05-04, 08:38 AM   #1
John
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Joined:
Status:
Text Record: 0-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
Through these eyes

IP: 2BE6 44D0

Pain and sorrow has brought me to believe/
that torture ain't enough and it's sumtin' i can't achieve/
my sentences bring the bad out in people and so they decieve/
another mother to grieve in her son's stupidity on these streets/
it's so sad sometimes to think back and reminse/
a small glimpse on the past got my mind froliced in no sense/
i spent my childhood runnin' from these demons/
they creepin in my mind when i'm sleepin/
i wake up some nights drencehed in cold sweat/
trying to think how i'm gonna get out this old debt/
that's when i hit my knees and begin to pray/
and think about who i'm gonna befriend today/
  Reply With Quote
Old 02-05-04, 02:43 PM   #2
Menik
Word.
 
Menik's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,017
Joined: Aug 2003
From: Mifflinburg, PA
Status: Offline
IP: DD10 0DFF

This was alright here.....it was kinda short though, it could have been longer i think....structure was ok......the flow was pretty good i thought, stayed on through the whole piece....content was alright in this.....vocab was good.....had some alright multies in there....keep at it.
Send a message via AIM to Menik Send a message via MSN to Menik   Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:21 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.