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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-10-04, 07:03 PM
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#1
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Guest
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Chapter Two
IP: 40D6 EBC3
The night of the deed.. It was the night he truly planted the seed
He became a mad man.. Obsessed.. Drowning in his own greed He saw what he wanted.. A young lady engaged in love named Sophie She was gorgeous.. Had a golden aura.. She gleamed like a tropy Never had there been something so pure.. Yet she had her faults This night made one fault clear.. While sitting in relaxing bath salts She hadnt eaten all day.. Exhaused as she sipped on champagne Two glasses went to her head.. But she didnt know what they contained Spiked drinks.. She was naive.. That was maybe her downfall Drunken stupor.. Helpless as the man entered from the groundfloor A shadowed figure entered.. Hooded and masked up to obscure her vision Anyone with a heart would of walked away.. But he had made his decision She lay there prone.. Helpless in every sense of the word Fantasy to be fulfilled.. This is the kind of thing he preferred It was his preference.. He liked it to be this way Also a bonus.. Was the fact he had the power to leave lives in disarray He hit her.. Hit her again.. She was beaten yet still her cheeks were cold Her head was lolling to the side.. Obscene smile on his face as her eyes rolled He impregnated her purposely.. Not one ounce of hesitation Perverted joy from the moment he started.. Right up until ejaculation He finished.. Masked and hooded.. Heaved her out and tucked her up in bed He left her.. Walked away.. Without an ounce of remorse in his head A week to the day later.. This angel had found her man and married Joyful bliss on her face.. As over the threshold she was carried They made love.. Its was emotional to the deepest extend of the heart Vows made them swear.. Through thick and thin they never would be apart They would be tested... |
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02-10-04, 07:21 PM
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#2
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: C1DA C961
Very nice...enjoyed it more than the first one...I like how you are branching out to writing stories...I like that...your imagery is great..as always...I think that's your best quality..your imagery...Dope~~~
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02-10-04, 07:29 PM
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#3
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New to RB
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IP: 1E01 2802
dope piece. started off nice and ended nice. i noticed a flip towards the ending
which was neat. the flow was as good as the complexity and they were both nice. the small font size was nice also. lol. tight. keep up the good work. i'll be lookin forward to more. hit this up plz: http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/showthread.php?t=113109 pz
__________________
<center>"There Will Always Be Someone Better Than You...<center>  </center>...As Long As I Exist"</center>
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02-10-04, 07:45 PM
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#4
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1E
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IP: 5AF5 5CA5
^^lol, at like the font size..... this was definately better than chapter 1.... like pen said the imagery was ya strongest point, and it was tied nicely with the vocab... im sure ive read a drop on nearly the exact same topic.... nice shit man
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02-11-04, 07:31 AM
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#5
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IP: 40D6 EBC3
Ive never read anything like this before =/...
Thanks for the comments... Font comment... Lol... Idiot^... Upping for more... Pz... |
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02-11-04, 07:35 AM
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#6
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Banned: Spamming
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IP: 8633 BD8F
Good Use Of Words Again Free, 1 More Om To Go On Ya Mantal Piece, I Agree This Was Better Then Ya Irst, Can Ya Follow It On Tho In The Third Part Of This Trilogy. Flowed Better In This Om I Think. Ya Changed Your Structure To And Handled It Well. Keep It Up Man.
Ya Know I'm Gonna Ask Ya To Vote Dont Ya, But Fairly!! Look Under The Sig. P.S. I BATTLED PRITTY SHIT. LOL |
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02-11-04, 09:24 AM
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#7
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"The Eleete"
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IP: FAD9 BD2A
damn dawg that was dope..............this by far is better than the 1st...............your imagery in this was flawless.........it was dark an sadistic in its own way.........very good image captured in that aspect.........this you at your best! great job.......Once again you amaze me
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02-11-04, 10:00 AM
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#8
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New to RB
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IP: 1D04 65C4
very nice. flow was good. very descriptive, almost like a short story, but still a rhyme.I like your style. keep it up man. I liked it alot.
peep my verse if you get the chance? |
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02-11-04, 10:10 AM
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#9
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IP: 40D6 EBC3
Drop a link and a will^
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02-11-04, 10:17 AM
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#10
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IP: 24A3 0EF0
keeping the story going along nicely..
i could picture most of the scenes happening in my head pretty dope you got across the demented nature of the guy.. but pehaps ou could have improved on it.. easy story to read.. youre leaving the endings well though...makes you want to figure out what happens next imagery was the standout.. perhaps some lines coulda done with rearranging too to make the plot easier to follow chronologically props |
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02-11-04, 11:36 AM
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#11
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New to RB
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IP: 1D04 65C4
don't know how to make a link, new to this pc stuff lol
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02-11-04, 04:23 PM
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#12
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IP: 40D6 EBC3
iight...
Thanks for all the comments people... Much appreciated... You will enjoy the final part, 'Chapter Three', when its dropped tomorrow... Uppin for more on this... Pz... |
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02-11-04, 08:54 PM
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#13
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New to RB
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IP: 202C A952
Yeah dunny... my bad for the late post... but yes this was major nice dunny ... and yeah to me too... it was better then the first like you said it would be... kinda like a birthday present...lol...great job dunny... keep killin it
Caesar - On3
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~Sitting In Elevation Position~ Free Agent Just A Sick Newbie Murked - Lust Lost - None |
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02-13-04, 06:40 PM
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#14
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New to RB
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IP: 7027 07E3
nice drop i now see how all 3 were linked it was a good nice desciption of the girl basic it was just good imagery anyway liked all 3 chapters sugguests you write another
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as his sweat pounded the ground and left burnt black marks on the path as he walked towards me with crimson-like skin and universal black horns and as he reached for my lifeless corpse a black-robed figure that was hard to discern whispered to me "Your days are numbered".
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