yo this one is ok but aint all that cuz its only my second so yea here it goes

yo so u want me to rap like marshal
and say shit bout myself so u can say anything else

fuck it ill tell ya somthin u dont kno
my girl might be a hoe and sucked his dick

his, his, and his too but it aint that bad
cuz see he fucked ur dad and you

bitch i aint askin you to suck my dick
oh shit i just spit it

i dont need to relize i see the fear in ur eyes
when i ryme u run and hide everytime

it makes u choke now the people laughin at u like u a joke

yo i dont kno if i need this so here it is
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6266#post996266
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6345#post996345
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...6323#post996323

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[img]http://www2.freepichosting.com/Images/126335/0.jpg[img]

umm I wasnt really Feelin It Flow Wuz Very Choppy At Times It Was Hard To Get It......U Could Have Extended Ya Bars A bit More......Too Simple Add Some Wordplay , Multis n Some Vocab (U Kno Big Words LOL Newb)but practice some more n drop Sumthin Else

Flow wasn't very good, but you got teh structure down a little better...add multis to as many lines as possible and use a bigger vocab

did u forget to rhyme?

thats all my feedback

Flow was crazy off man. Also, it would do you some good to try to attempt to up your vocab. I can tell your new, but dont be discouraged and keep at it. Itll come along.

dawg i wasn't feelin it, theres a lot it need, ex. Rhyme, but keep workin dawg, keep ya head up and hold'em down

...Hmmm.....I agree with other 'Judges'.. I'm just not feeling it...

Thats need more work then a bum at a job centre.

First of all, its too little, aint nobody wanna read that.

Second, talk real shit, and stop talking abouts hoes and dicks and smacking people out, thats getting played. man i wanna read about some real shit.

Keep elevating aight, peace

ya like the others said... very short...
needs more word play... structure could get better
sorry but i really wasnt feelin it at all...

your rap was tooooooooooooooooooooo short nigga

it was hard as fuck to readddddddddddddd

didn't always rhymmmeeeeeeeeeeeee

and was mostly offffffffffffffffffffffff every damn time

but good job for trying man I feel dat shit at least!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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*Nashville city*

yeh it was short but some of it was rad
u need to work on u rymes
and defo u flow

return faver>>http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=99921
sfe
peace out

itz iight...... but aint ur best

I think you need to keep spittin to get better