yo this is the illist shit u eva saw/
step in the way you get tore up with a chain saw/
body bloody and raw da nastiest shit u eva saw/
its how i do it nigga /
do u want to go through it/
if your smart dont do it but im here so im gon do it/
cause jonjon b the lyrikal heaveyweight and i dont give a fuck so dont press your luck/
im about my biznas so watch yo self b 4 you end up as a stat to that/
fuck all u bitches in this shit for the fame and not the fortune/
cause theres just so much more to it (uh hu)/
thought u could walk on by(no no) so im gon x-plain it 2 ya/
handle your shit and dont copy other peoples shit/
do it right and u wont get hit/
do it wrong u gon get shot up you can count on gat/
lyrikal dont play i fuckin mean what i say...test my gangstaaaa and meet your fate and fuck yall niggaz who gon hate cuz its too late ive done made it/
what i just wrote i just created it /
lyrikal aka jonjon just laid it/
take notes on how i just sprayed it/
just dont take it and play wit it/
sucka niggaz who here for bitches go figyas/
thats y u aint got them big figyas/
but i got it for ya/
im gon bust it back/
fuck the lyrikal attack/
click -click -boom nigga there just aint no more room/
FUCK YOU

My first 'critisizm' would be of your spelling. It's not a big deal, but it just makes your work look much more amateurish. (That also includes using things like b4, st8, u, eva, and so on,)

Other then that it was okay, i guess. You're just too net-gangster with it. You know what i mean? Cause as far as we know, you're just some 9-year skinny white kid who wants to be like his favourite rappers.

If you are going to stick with the net-gangster style, there's a better way of doing it. I remember reading one tutorial that said something like this.



Anyway, good to see you posting. No hate.