The word went out in ebbs and tides,
in oceans, bays and water slides;
a contest seeing who could be
The Deadest Fish In All The Sea!

Murky rumors did abound;
the deadest fish would soon be crowned!
Each dead fish thought secretly,
"There is no fish as dead as me!"

Dead fish left their muddy banks,
their foamy floats and septic tanks.
They rode the waves as day grew dim
(for they were dead and couldn't swim).

'Neath the moon the tide did sweep
the dead fish to the ocean's deep.
Odorous and rotted well,
the salty waters hid their smell.

None the deader for the trip
they gathered near a sunken ship.
Lobsters hailed a welcome call
to dead contestants, one and all!

Fish deceased for months and weeks,
battered by the seagulls' beaks.
Popping eyes and dropping scales,
Missing heads and missing tails.

Fish from Spain and Singapore
graciously expelling gore.
Fish from San Francisco Bay
dragging seaweed all the way.

Mackerel sporting swallowed hooks.
Minnows fried by Chinese cooks.
Seven crispy cod croquettes.
Twenty tuna in a net.

Cans releasing dead sardines.
Angler fish with bursted spleens.
Whitefish turned a shade of blue.
Catfish whose nine lives were through.

Halibut and rainbow trout
with their bellies bloating out.
Flattened guppies hid beneath
piles of dead piranha teeth.

Sunfish spotted with disease.
Goldfish flushed down lavatr’ies.
Some in states of deep decay,
others dead just yesterday...

Soon the last had straggled in,
ripe and eager to begin.
While they settled all about
lobsters handed numbers out.

Then a hush subdued the crowd
all along the starboard shroud,
broken by a mighty SLAM...
Hail the judge! A giant clam!

Competition mounted thick.
Dead fish topped each other's tricks.
Showing off their dead fish skills:
sinking, floating, lying still.

Mobs of urchins got in tiffs
betting on their favorite stiffs.
Who would claim it? Who would be
The Deadest Fish in All the Sea?

Like a lofty magistrate
the clam observed in silent state.
Spitting out a rusty can,
he sighed a sigh and then began...

"I'm to choose the honoree,
The Deadest Fish in All Sea.
Though I've judged the oceans' best
watching this, I must protest!"

Eyes were on him, hard and long.
Scandal! Outrage! Something's wrong!
Then the ancient clam commenced;
"Has the whole world lost it's sense?!"

"Many moons and stars ago
currents of the sea would flow
brilliant blue the world across.
Through the waves the fish would toss.

Fish alive! Robust and strong!
Full of life and sport and song.
Sea to sea and deep to deep,
multitudes of fish would leap!

By the plankton on my shell,
I recall their revels well.
Fish would travel to compete
here before my judge's seat.

I would crown the brightest tail,
highest jump and smoothest sail.
Lively contests every day
far ago and long away.

BUT...

Now we're here, oh friends of mine,
soaking in the filthy brine.
Not in all my hundred years
has a contest wrung such tears."

"Tell us why we all are dead,"
said a barracuda head.
"Aah," the clam moaned wistfully,
"Look around, it's plain to see.

This I tell you with a frown;
PEOPLE turned the waters brown!
Spilling sewage in the tide,
where were all the fish to hide?

Factories ruined every creek
letting deadly poisons leak.
No one cared or understood.
Fish could soon be gone for good!

If they halted, surely then
fish would prosper once again.
Who will tell them? Do they know
what we've suffered here below?"

Urchins bubbled their applause.
Lobsters leapt and clapped their claws.
The crusty crown was laid to rest.
Down with Deadest Fish Contests!

THEN...

One by one and two by two
the dead fish knew just what to do.
Ten by ten and thousands more
they washed themselves upon the shore.

To the corners of the earth;
Baffin Island, Nome and Perth,
Boston Harbor, Shanghai Beach,
anywhere the tide could reach.

There they rested on the sand
where the water met the land,
as a message lying there
to the people everywhere.

There they lie this very morn
and as newer fish are born,
Share their message with a friend...
Make the waters clean again.