RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 07-14-04, 12:03 AM   #1
MR.Goodbar
New to RB
 
MR.Goodbar's Avatar
 
Posts: 67
Joined: Jul 2004
Status: Offline
Text Record: 4-1
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
Falling Short...

IP: 0C20 9584

"Dedicated to every ex-girlfriend who, no matter how hard you tried to be, you fell short of their glory. To every girl you ever wasted a tear, or an emotion over. To every girl you tried to make yours, but they were to stuck in their own drama to realize what they had in front of them, and what they have that they should throw away. To everyone who has forever closen themselves on the inside so the hurt can't get in, and to everyone who has ever grown accustom to being in pain...."
- - Tristen Kyzar "Mr. Goodbar"


Falling short of where you stand,
I wake up with your name on these wet streams,
that slowly wash my face into the sand,
and leave behind an empty desert of me.

I cross my mind looking for you,
in this wasteland that use to be felicity.
Scrape my insides to the dark,
only let my outside be seen.

Let no one in too close.
Just enough to set myself up for loss,
to theive away this empty ghost,
no matter how hard I'll rebound the cost.

I don't know what I miss more,
you being there, or saying you will.
Your promises lye in peices before me
along with the wall I setup against you.
__________________

RAP THE VOTE!
Headlines: Watch Mr. Goodbar serve !Riff Raff! with the sick:SICK:sick multiples here: Mr.Goodbar vs. !Riff Raff!

In Other News: 5-0 K.O. MrGoodbar vs BigChase
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-04, 12:14 AM   #2
The Mexican
Light Weight
 
The Mexican's Avatar
 
Posts: 202
Joined: Nov 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 34E7 8281

nice drop kidd...feelin it...knowin where u comin from...keep it comin...peace
Send a message via MSN to The Mexican Send a message via Yahoo to The Mexican   Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-04, 02:15 AM   #3
Idyllic Queen
New to RB
 
Posts: 55
Joined: Jul 2004
From: Somewhere over the rainbow...
Status: Offline
Text Record: 0-0
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 729E 6154

I really enjoyed this...its sad, but your emotions were deeply felt. I think the way you set your poem up, structure wise was awesome. It really added more 'texture' to your peice. The beats seemed good throughout the whole thing, nicely written!
  Reply With Quote
Old 07-14-04, 11:52 AM   #4
fluidmoon
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
 
fluidmoon's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,183
Joined: Jun 2004
From: NEW YORK
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-0
IP: 3240 794D

i liked this poem a lot, the way you worded this and the use of metaphors and descriptive words made this more enjoyable to read..... i liked what was written on top to, it was a nice little intro to set the reader up for the poem......nice job....keep it up
__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 02:24 PM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.