sing me a song
a song of old times
a song that takes me back
back to those nights
where we meant everthing
and everything meant nothing
unless we were together
together we always were meant to be

and if i had my way
we wouldnt be separate
separate are ways are lonely
lonely and cold as the hearts that disgraced
disgraced our love
our love that we held so tight
tight as the bond in our lives
lives that held us in thought
thoughts that kept us wondering

and wondering is all i do
cuz for the time spent alone
is time not spent with you
with you is where i feel at peace
i feel complete and in awe
for you inspire me to wirte these things
these things i currently speak
speaking of things that we once had
lost and can never have back
for we are lost
lost in life
and life is the parrel that defeats
defeats my hopes of ever having you

hailing you down but yet no sign of stoppin
but there is things ive learned from all of this
and that is its better to have loved and lost
then to have taken the cost
of not having you at all

not meant to rhyme just a simple poem

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uppin man come on i want some honest feedback on this...
peace~1

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hmmm... i kinda liked this joint... like ya said it didn't rhyme ... but so what?... it's called freeverse... and in this style of poetry it's all about the emotion that you put into it. there was a lot of emotion in this piece. I think you could have used some more powerful words to express these same thoughts but it was still very good. The only thing i would suggest that you do is to biuld on a more colorful vocabulary... words that aren't normally used in everyday language... keep a thesaurus handy when you write... it'll really help out a lot.

peep my new drop i just posted a few minutes ago... it's called When Last We Spoke...
I dedicated it to my father... let me know what you think....one

thanks man i really appreciate this feedback.....and na i wasnt lookin for vocab that much tho cuz i was just think bout this girl and wrote words as soon as they came to my head so eh...no loss i guess i coulda stipulated that to but its w/e...thanks for the feedback homie....and ill peep ya joint too...peace~1

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that's kool... writing off top can be easy at times... and sometimes ya just wanna say what comes to mind... i guess that's the beauty of poetry... it comes in so many forms... keep doing ya thang man... as far as i'm concerned there is no "right" way to do poetry... just be yaself and if the emotion is there ya shyt'll be felt and reach the audience that it's meant to reach... yeah and thx for the feed on my joint... I'll holla!

yeah man no prob...aight come pn lets get more peeps dropin feedback..stop sleepin and lookin and not dropin feedback...just tell me what u thought.....graci
peace~1

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This was good, flowed well, even tho it didnt rhyme, this would sound dope if it was spit, audio wise too,simple,but good poem, i was feeling it...1

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"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*

nice poem dog i might have o try poery vcuz of this nice peice yo

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SIGNED RAPPER YOU LOOKIN AT

thanks peeps def uppin on this feedback,,,oh and fluidmoon it kinda was a spit cuz i was talkin to my ex and i missed her so i just imed her everyline thinkin it up and it actually didnt tae much thought but thats why it didnt have vocab or it didnt rhyme i just made up a quick poem cuz i felt like telling her how i felt

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