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Old 08-24-04, 10:06 PM   #1
TURBAN
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closure

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Well tonight there has been closure
And this weight is off my shoulders
I'm finally ready, slowly prepared
The scars will heal, or so I am told
This is the best night of my life
And I wont let your memory mess it up
I'm going to head out and discover
The world, land-by-land, mile-by-mile
Every smile will be logged and recorded
And if you’re up for it even though you’re way out there
Meet me in the desert, we'll sit and talk things over
There’s this new girl, she lives a million miles away
But it feels like she is so close
I could reach out and touch
But the image would disappear
and we both know i couldnt handle that
but the smile on my face cant be washed away
and in a way , i'd love to reconcile with everyone
for anything i've ever done, keep your calm
play it cool , dont let it out , you , have to be kidding me
i didnt think , i didnt want to think about his now
but still i'll remain, dont worry your secrets are safe and secure
and it will stay that way because you have what you need on me
i'll take the dive , if you follow, we could go downin all our glory, but just before you go will you turn around?
and finish that subtle sentence?
i guess its hard , when we were not the same
you hold on to what you can
because you dont know what will come your way
but dont worry i believe in you
and i've never had the chance to say you make me
happy

Last edited by TURBAN : 08-24-04 at 11:04 PM.
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Old 08-25-04, 02:33 AM   #2
Idyllic Queen
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This is a very nice topic...I am not going to say it was extremely good nor that it was extremely bad -- just because everyone has room to elevate.

I like how it didnt rhyme...I felt that gave it alot of emotion and more depth...you might of been able to use different words that would give more depth. By doing that, it wouldn't be changing the meaning of the poem, it would just change the tone...possibly give it a more meaningful effect...
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Old 08-25-04, 02:39 AM   #3
Ill-Grammatix
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damn, Turban!... you might not be that good at text but ya Poetry shines through like sunlight through the cracks of an abandoned boarded up building! This is the second drop that I've read in the poetry section by you and this shyt is thorough... just like the last one... ya got a bright future in front of you if you stay on this path... keep up the good work!
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Old 08-25-04, 01:15 PM   #4
TURBAN
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thanks it was jus a piece from a song one of my bands , ha we were doing it and i liked it so i expanded some on it thats why the vocab is so simple , lol but thank you for the feed back

kiss-keep it simple stupid haha
peace out drop anything you need me to look at and i will
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