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Banned: Cheating
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closure
IP: 95EB 880F
Well tonight there has been closure And this weight is off my shoulders I'm finally ready, slowly prepared The scars will heal, or so I am told This is the best night of my life And I wont let your memory mess it up I'm going to head out and discover The world, land-by-land, mile-by-mile Every smile will be logged and recorded And if you’re up for it even though you’re way out there Meet me in the desert, we'll sit and talk things over There’s this new girl, she lives a million miles away But it feels like she is so close I could reach out and touch But the image would disappear and we both know i couldnt handle that but the smile on my face cant be washed away and in a way , i'd love to reconcile with everyone for anything i've ever done, keep your calm play it cool , dont let it out , you , have to be kidding me i didnt think , i didnt want to think about his now but still i'll remain, dont worry your secrets are safe and secure and it will stay that way because you have what you need on me i'll take the dive , if you follow, we could go downin all our glory, but just before you go will you turn around? and finish that subtle sentence? i guess its hard , when we were not the same you hold on to what you can because you dont know what will come your way but dont worry i believe in you and i've never had the chance to say you make me happy ![]() Last edited by TURBAN : 08-24-04 at 11:04 PM. |
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New to RB
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IP: 13CD 820E
This is a very nice topic...I am not going to say it was extremely good nor that it was extremely bad -- just because everyone has room to elevate.
I like how it didnt rhyme...I felt that gave it alot of emotion and more depth...you might of been able to use different words that would give more depth. By doing that, it wouldn't be changing the meaning of the poem, it would just change the tone...possibly give it a more meaningful effect...
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Back In Business
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IP: EFDF 488F
damn, Turban!... you might not be that good at text but ya Poetry shines through like sunlight through the cracks of an abandoned boarded up building! This is the second drop that I've read in the poetry section by you and this shyt is thorough... just like the last one... ya got a bright future in front of you if you stay on this path... keep up the good work!
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Banned: Cheating
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IP: 95EB 880F
thanks it was jus a piece from a song one of my bands , ha we were doing it and i liked it so i expanded some on it thats why the vocab is so simple , lol but thank you for the feed back
kiss-keep it simple stupid haha peace out drop anything you need me to look at and i will |
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