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Old 09-13-04, 10:51 PM   #1
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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Posts: 11,115
Joined: Aug 2003
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Text Record: 70-13
MK mission1

IP: 0ABC 464B



ok MindzKollide has newbs do some missions
to prove themselves, and i'll post my lyrics
here when i'm done, to show off

Newb Mission 1:

Topical: Patiently Waiting....about somebody in the hospital in a coma..your waitin...whats racin threw ya head...
************************************************** ********
20 minutes ago ...football practice...




i don't believe i can play...with the repeated chest pains
i cannot run fullback, but the complaints were sustained
so he tells me, one play will lead to the hall of fame
jus bite my lip, suck i up and ignore the strain
----------------------------but i quickly passed out 2 minutes into the game....

Present Time....Cook County Hostpital
beep......beep......beep......

i hear voices....one sounds like my coach,he claims high hopes
another voice is heared its my mom, but she's afraid to approach
i can't move i can only hear,i fear i may have had a stroke
if so then i refuse to stay here,if i go i wanna pass away with my folks
my heartbeat is heared over the words as the lobby speaks
now i have fear and questions of if I passed or I'm probably sleep
but the though of my sins, the outcome of heaven was seen as grim
I never been to church, or even worshiped him,so it depends.....
on forgiveness, his mercy's been mentioned, but even god has a temper

beep...........................beep............... ...........beep.....

so many questions,I felt helpless, there were no answers to follow
my toung and throat won't budge i can barely attempt a swallow
i no longer hear voices, it may be late, it was lonley where i lied
work is only reason i can brainstorm for my mom to leave my side
though the quiet night gave me time to think of my life
the direction if was moving was proving not to be a pretty sight
I have no job, my grades continue to fall....
come to think of it, my future doesn't seem to have direction at all
and this coma only creates the infection of a temporary stall
the only thing i can look foward to is the dawning of the lord's call


************************************************** ********

~1~ MK ALL DAY


yo let me get some feedback people
don't sleep on it like my last one.....
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Old 09-15-04, 02:49 AM   #2
Logic The Goonie
I can rap and stuff.
 
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Posts: 10,226
Joined: Jul 2004
From: So. Killa Kali
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Text Record: 7-1
Audio Record: 3-2
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 28AD 5545

ehh it was iight, coulda been much deeper. seems like you just threw it together, u gotta rep ya crew better than that man...
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Old 09-15-04, 02:21 PM   #3
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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Posts: 11,115
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Text Record: 70-13
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it wasn't really a real deep topic

cuz its basically only your thoughts
and not what was really going on,and when you're in a coma

you're still awake most of the time but you can still hear everything

but thanks for the crit anyway
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Old 09-15-04, 04:31 PM   #4
Kawn Flixx
FUCK STROBE
 
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Posts: 11,115
Joined: Aug 2003
Status: Offline
Text Record: 70-13
IP: 28AD 5545

uppin for some crits pleaase

i never get feedback on my open mic's

and i work hard on them
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