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09-13-04, 10:51 PM | #1 | ||||
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MK mission1
IP: 0ABC 464B
ok MindzKollide has newbs do some missions to prove themselves, and i'll post my lyrics here when i'm done, to show off Newb Mission 1: Topical: Patiently Waiting....about somebody in the hospital in a coma..your waitin...whats racin threw ya head... ************************************************** ******** 20 minutes ago ...football practice... i don't believe i can play...with the repeated chest pains i cannot run fullback, but the complaints were sustained so he tells me, one play will lead to the hall of fame jus bite my lip, suck i up and ignore the strain ----------------------------but i quickly passed out 2 minutes into the game.... Present Time....Cook County Hostpital beep......beep......beep...... i hear voices....one sounds like my coach,he claims high hopes another voice is heared its my mom, but she's afraid to approach i can't move i can only hear,i fear i may have had a stroke if so then i refuse to stay here,if i go i wanna pass away with my folks my heartbeat is heared over the words as the lobby speaks now i have fear and questions of if I passed or I'm probably sleep but the though of my sins, the outcome of heaven was seen as grim I never been to church, or even worshiped him,so it depends..... on forgiveness, his mercy's been mentioned, but even god has a temper beep...........................beep............... ...........beep..... so many questions,I felt helpless, there were no answers to follow my toung and throat won't budge i can barely attempt a swallow i no longer hear voices, it may be late, it was lonley where i lied work is only reason i can brainstorm for my mom to leave my side though the quiet night gave me time to think of my life the direction if was moving was proving not to be a pretty sight I have no job, my grades continue to fall.... come to think of it, my future doesn't seem to have direction at all and this coma only creates the infection of a temporary stall the only thing i can look foward to is the dawning of the lord's call ************************************************** ******** ~1~ MK ALL DAY yo let me get some feedback people don't sleep on it like my last one.....
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09-15-04, 02:49 AM | #2 | |||||||
I can rap and stuff.
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IP: 28AD 5545
ehh it was iight, coulda been much deeper. seems like you just threw it together, u gotta rep ya crew better than that man...
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09-15-04, 02:21 PM | #3 | ||||
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IP: 0825 899A
it wasn't really a real deep topic
cuz its basically only your thoughts and not what was really going on,and when you're in a coma you're still awake most of the time but you can still hear everything but thanks for the crit anyway
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09-15-04, 04:31 PM | #4 | ||||
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IP: 28AD 5545
uppin for some crits pleaase
i never get feedback on my open mic's and i work hard on them
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