Battle Rules:TOPICAL: Depression

10 - 15 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 09-15-04 at 01:53 AM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

villagepimp has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-12-04 01:54 AM.

Drastic Outlaw has ACCEPTED this battle on 09-12-04 01:56 AM.

good luck

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I sit alone in my room and cry unhappy tears,
Hatred thrown my way from the world for 17 years,
No one would care if i took a bullet to the heart,
Sometimes i sit and wonder why life just can't restart,
Obstacles in my path to succesion, will i ever succeed,
What is it i need to obtain to fill my every need,
I'm looked at as a juvenile with no real goal in life,
Tears get so thick at times i feel needs to turn to my knife,
Will anyone ever know i exist or that we breathe the same air,
Seeing other people riches and fame i think it is unfair,
Im basically not here i must be transparent whit,
I want to understand please somebody show me the light,
All alone in this world all i want is succesion,
But in this world of hate all tha's brought to me is Depression.


Good luck man one

transparent white************

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I've locked myself up in my room... waiting for the end
jus' sittin' here pondering my certain doom... emotions tryin' to fend
I can't think straight... I jus' sit her and cry...
It hurts deep inside... I jus' sit her wantin' to die...
I feel worse knowing this is a case of baseless depression...
It's a curse walking around carrying this faceless expression...
I never did fit in right... Now I cry & cry & cut my wrist at night...
Everyone trying to tell me it'll be okay... This is the last light...
I'm going crazy inside in my brain my mind has unwinded...
My emotions are dull now... no way to fulfill them this time...
I open up the closet door... I can't find that something more...
My heart mind and soul is tore... Inside my body is a war...
I pick up this gun hun and it'll be done in four with this revolver...
Steel to my temple, solution simple... Pull it and let blood trickle.. Problem solver...

Voted For: villagepimp

you were both on topic and you were both really good but i voted for villagepimp because he had better rhymes and it was more complex than outlaw's

thanks for the vote... uppin' for votes...................

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Voted For: villagepimp

well both had decent verses....but i think villiage got this...he had better wordplay and his story want that predictable...outlaw work on ur vocab and try to make the story better....overall u got c+ and vp got a b- gud battle....hit up my battles that are in my sig.....one

thanks ecko... it was my first attempt at a topical...

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Voted For: villagepimp

this wasn't a bad battle...the verses were shorter, meaning you could not tell a story, and typically thats what i like...to see the message behind the story...but you both carried your verses well...drastic, i've never read your work before, and i was slightly impressed(i'm vry hard to please)

you stayed on topic, syllable count was decent..didn't have any fillers...the only thing i can say to you, is definately up your vocab....and try using multiple corresponding rhymes...it makes for better flow and better read...other than that your doin just fine.......Although i liked your verse...i liked Villages more, he didnt have a different kind of mission, but some of his lines really stood out....like...

I feel worse knowing this is a case of baseless depression...
It's a curse walking around carrying this faceless expression...
I never did fit in right... Now I cry & cry & cut my wrist at night...
Everyone trying to tell me it'll be okay... This is the last light...

those 2 bars


I pick up this gun hun and it'll be done in four with this revolver...
Steel to my temple, solution simple... Pull it and let blood trickle.. Problem solver...

and that last bar....were very nice...i'd give all 3 of them 10/10those bars were done beautifully...


Village, all i have to say to you is..some of your rhyme scheme and rhyme words seemed kind of amaturish...nothing real bad...just noticeable...but regardless..goodverse....nice battle to both of you.....much respect

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Time is not long, and indecision is hells cemment. So the well is rented, untill heaven is relevant. Untill then, to be eloquent, sex cells, so le'ts cellibate.

"watch what you watchin...fox keeps feedin' us toxin's..stop sleepin' start thinkin outside of the box and unplug from the matrix doctrine....but watch what you say cause big brother is watchin" - nas - sly fox

The I.H.C.J.S.F.M.T.R.H.P.M.M.W.T.S.M.S.I.T.F.F.W.A.S. O Crew

thinks for voting......... I'll return the favor...........

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Voted For: villagepimp

village pimp is under rater lol his name he won this battle with ease he had some dope rhymes and vocab he took ti basicly everything i liekt his way of stucture now i might use it
storyline: pimp
wordplay: pimp
vocab: pimp
flow: pimp by lots
stucture: pimp
opener: outlaw
closener: pimp
vote: PIMP

check otu yer tryout thread im tryin out for yer crew