Battle Rules:Topical Battle

20 Lines
No Crew Votes
No Recycling
No Biting

Topic = Gone Like The Wind



Minimum posts to vote: 20

Check in by: 10-30-04 at 03:41 PM

Must drop verse in 4320 minutes after check in.

oreo has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-27-04 03:41 PM.

give me till tonigh im at school............................................ .......................

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Premanition has ACCEPTED this battle on 10-27-04 03:42 PM.

Gone Like The Wind

How quick it all passes the good times of youth…
Like waiting for that fairy to collect your tooth…
To tell the truth im not sure I made the most of it…
Looking for perfect times unaware I was so close 2 it…
just gone like wind, carrying you like winter leaves…
Trying to be your idol, punching like keanu reeves…
Missin school but at the time like manic depression…
Yet leaving made u panic cos of fear of progression…
Scared of the future and so desperate for the past…
Broken leg on purpose so kids wud sign the cast…
Just wanted it to last but its all gone in a flash…
Selling unwanted gifts on the front for extra cash…
Invest in a cabinet to store prestigious medals in…
Excruciating pain but refuse to take the medicine…
Medalling with friends results in first detention…
Much tension on muscles to grab the girls attention…
Eyes re-open from closure to nothing but memories…
Feels like life not over but been going for centuries…
Gone like the wind in full agreement with the phrase…
Tear dissolves through skin after the content on this page…

is there a heaven on earth cuz were all living in hell/
lockin ourselves up, we livimg better lives in jail/
president's makin the burbs better,the ghetto he missed/
angels with us in the hood, do they even co-exist/
seeds of prejudice impreganating our motherland/
so we reinforce our color wherever we stand/
takes trajadies for us to come together as one/
our mouths are bleeding spite from biting out tounge/
were all pawns in this chess game of life/
without us our kings woulnt take the strike/
martin king died,freedom left too on the streacher/
he opend the pth wide, thank th lord if he blessed ya/
satins paved in the streets where we all reside/
God protects us but we all keep heat on or side/
the man above risked his everything even his son/
all he asks is for us all to live life in unison/
if its right in your head then blow away the sin/
when we reach the gates, all pain will be gone with the wind/

first topical yo, i dontknow how i did but oh well

alrite uppin some votes ere....................

pz

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uppin............................................. ....................

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uppin............................................. ........

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bein slept on

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-1-

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Voted For: Premanition

Close battle......

Imagery...prem's imagery was much more thorough in this one, it wasn't great and neither was oreo's but prem's was btetter developed an was easier to follow in my opinion.

Flow....The flow from both was tight...so I'd say this was a tie...neither one really edged the other in this category.

Structure...has to go to prem...his verse fit neatly to his post soem of oreo's lines are clearly stretched and lose the slashes oreo you don't need them an it takes away from your verse

Emotion.....Prem again...his was worded better and he used his vocab to really express the emotion of this piece...oreo stayed a lil too basic an repetitive with his an it took away from the emotion of his spit.

Story....Prem again is was just more original and better told....oreo went off on some jail shit...really played concept in topicals....where as prem took the topic an ran wit it in his own unique way...nice job on that

Overall...I gotta give this to prem for jus a betetr verse on most levels...he took 4 out of 5 of the categories an got my vote.....much respect to both plz return the favor

http://community.rapverse.com/showb...ad.php?t=156972

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thanx

uppin

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-1-

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aight first topical thougb uppn though...............

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come on y'all where the votes at.........

pz

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