Check It....


A Crash, A Splash Of Colors That Bound The Sea
Unwound And Free, Still Uniquely Profound To Me
I Drown And Scream, Because My Existance Is Lost
Persistance Is Tossed, It's Like I Distanced The Cross
My Vision Is False, Just Like Glasses With No Lens
Then Again, Who Am I To Judge The Absence Of Men
And So I Spend, An Entire Lifetime Seeking For Eternity
Maturity Is Staying Strong When The Flames Of Hell Are Burning Me

Hook:

Now Finally I Have Succeeded, And Found The Median
Chance's Repeated, I Found The Meaning In Obedience
Succeeding Is Accomplishing, Though Not Immediate
I've Risen To Advanced And Surpassed The Intermediate

...

I Got A Chance To Revoke It, At Last Im Open
Im Trashed And Floating, Right Back To Square One
My Pen Is A Flare Gun, See My Message In The Bare Sun
Before I Know It, Im Back In This Everlasting Dungeon
No Escape From The Pungent Smell Of Agony Amongst It
The Solution Is Balance Between Optimal And Minimal
Conscious And Subliminal.... Tragic And Comical
Crucial And Marginal.... The List Is Eternal
Let Your Mind Be A Pen And Expand Your Journal

...

Now Finally I Have Succeeded, And Found The Median
Chance's Repeated, I Found The Meaning In Obedience
Succeeding Is Accomplishing, Though Not Immediate
I've Risen To Advanced And Surpassed The Intermediate



~!1!~

Feedback Please

__________________

RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

You have a flop-fat dome and brains not at home to answer
The door, cancer galore in your rhymes like a sickle cell dancer
Rhymes don’t blend tight you invite scum to write some choppy
Verse you a sloppy burst of failure with paraphernalia drive jalopy
With flow dim, no rims and four flat tires, had enough of the bluff
Present a bold front, sprint as an ole punk with no speed you not tuff
YAYO your rhymes like play doe have no shape or size can’t make
A wise verse and lies worse than fairy tales, you Cindarella fake
This tender fella break rules like cops on busts, like Mandella I’m great
I’m strong like upright construction but you a corrupt sight for production
I rhyme sickness it a combine quickness of flight and brain suction
Scrap with all groups like a wall of troops but you a tall fruit loop
No flavor in your bowl

what the hell is you doin stay outta my threads hoecake

__________________

RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

lol @ madrapper.... anyways..

this was nice and deep, flow was good, vocab was good... the hook was aight..
overall, i enjoyed readin this...good drop!

peace

good look on feedback uppin for more

__________________

RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion

this was nice flow.....multi's everywhere n it was flowin real gud, gud emotion n nice vocab used throughout, hook was above average was yeh i liked this piece, it made me wanna read on which is always gud....lol

nice drop i'd give it...

8.5/10

peace

flow can ya hit the open mic in my sig wiv feedback, wud appreciate it from an established topical writer...

thanx

__________________

wow man, this was very good, I really like the multis, but i've seen you do alot better before flow!! your structure was good, it was okay vocabulary, but u've used better before.... and it was kind of hard to imagin it, well don't blame ur work for that imagining it..blame me cuz im slow

8/10

__________________

This was dope all around,,nice flow and vocabulary, i love the hook, it was fire.. and the way you set it up, excellent words and deep meaning, love the "let your mind be a pen and expand your journal" line, nice job..1

__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*

thankx for all the feedback and your right i.mind its hard to imagine lol your not slow

__________________

RV's Only 3 Time Topical Tourney Champion