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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
07-27-02, 08:58 PM
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#1
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IP: F564 0E15
you stare at me excpeting sumthing you cant have.
i stare back waiting for you to dissapper. we have known each other for as long as i can remember... you always want sumthing from me i have gave you both nothing and everything i have. but that is not enuf for you. you hurt me the most of anyone i have ever known. but you smile as though u are as confussed bout this as i am. your mad when i am mad at you. you smile when i try to trick you. you act like your a real person but who are you but a refection of me? you are nothin ... u are only a reflection -- |
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07-28-02, 12:29 AM
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#2
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Guest
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IP: 5153 3B92
it waz coo there waz a twist but it could have some other stuff in it but other wise do yo thang
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07-28-02, 08:00 AM
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#3
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IP: 849D 0AEB
U coulda put more into dis ... but still was tight,
you stare at me excpeting sumthing you cant have. i stare back waiting for you to dissapper. ^ Fav Lines ^ ~1~ |
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07-28-02, 11:24 AM
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#4
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IP: 69BB EC0A
yeah i know ill work on it a little more maybe~thanx for the replys~peace
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07-28-02, 04:05 PM
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#5
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Guest
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IP: 78E3 7225
Yeah this was aight, nothing really stood out to me, I felt that you could have but more emotion behind this piece, but it was nice, the overall idea here was nicely done, but like I said you could have made it a bit more complex by adding some metaphors in there, also some imagery would have been nice too, but it was straight...
keep writting... love... |
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