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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
01-06-05, 03:23 PM
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#1
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A Day in Exile
IP: E3CA 7CA2
This was something I wrote when I was a Sophomore. The concept was that I was an exile Jewish person on my way to a concentration camp, and I'm writing this as if it was a journal entry. Please enjoy and post feedback to let me know what ya'll think!
If you dont know what it means to be in "exile", then hit the books! Naw j/p, it was the time when Hitler killed hella Jewish people. Well here it goes: January 23, 1945 Journal Entry No. 13 We have traveled for a matter of months now, crossing bridges that seemed as if it could go on and on, hills and mountain tops that are as white as the clouds in the sky, and hundreds of open ranges full of cattle and horses. The other day a man was found hiding a bracelet under his clothes, the result was being tossed off the train while riding on a bridge. The soldier’s attitude was as if he had no remorse, no conscious, and his facial expression was as mean as a wild mustang trying to be tamed. But on the other hand, the soldiers could’ve just killed us all, but they didn’t…this makes me think as if they need us, need us more alive than dead. My little sister wasn’t so lucky; she died 2 days ago from starvation and thirst. I should’ve seen it coming, the constant vomiting, the shortness in her breathing, and her skin color…very pale, and her body was as cold as stones. She didn’t even see the age of 9. During one of the frequent “head count” stops was when one of the soldiers found out about her death. The only thing they did was throw my sister out of the train car…just tossed her as if she was a dirty old rag doll being thrown away by a spoiled upper classman. This and many more countless acts made by the cocky German Soldiers made me furious! But in my heart I feel like their day will come, and their going to experience how it is to come from nothing. One MAJOR problem is how disrespectful the soldiers are to the woman of Russia. Last night, I heard Isabella, a 19 year old girl who was taken from her mother and father, was being harassed by one of those German bastards, whose breathe smelled like the rear to a wet horse, considering the fact that he had been drinking. She was screaming but no one helped her. They all just watched and stared. She was raped, battered, and bruised all over; she could barely stand, let alone talk. She is so terrified now, that she is only in one corner, just sitting there rocking back and forth with that glare; that same glare you see on everyone’s face, that horrific look that is identical to a field mouse, minding his own business and running around, then the screeching call of a hawk plays in the mouse’s ear over and over, then he starts to scatter but it’s to late. As the hawk’s call gets closer and closer, the mouse gets scared, then the razor sharp claws belonging to the hawk snatches the mouse, now he is caught. Yeah, little Isabella was the free spirited field mouse in this untimely scenario. Well as we continue through endless bridges, green grass plains, and farms, I will continue to write what I’ve experienced in this very journal until my death.
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:.:Relaunched Originals:.:  Eazy Duz It Bitch...or get Popped 
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01-07-05, 12:22 AM
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#2
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IP: A59D 0406
All i got i 2 views?! Come on folks can i get feed from sum1?
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:.:Relaunched Originals:.: Eazy Duz It Bitch...or get Popped
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01-07-05, 11:08 PM
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#3
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IP: CD09 4AB6
Well, 7 reviews is koo 4 now, but i want some feedback!!!
Not even the Mod got sumthin to say? Can some1 drop sumthin??
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:.:Relaunched Originals:.: Eazy Duz It Bitch...or get Popped
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01-09-05, 01:20 PM
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#4
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C.hristopher S.ean D.abatos
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IP: 8D5B 2407
Wow, this is a very good piece man, I really like your imagery on here, that was just amazing. Also the metaphor you had like the mice and the hawk, very nice. When you would talk about how the girl would just sit in one corner rocking back and forward with a glare, that part just amazed me because the way you explained it made me feel like I was watching a movie. You should really continue this man, or atleast show it to your teacher because it's one of the best auto-biographies i've read on here so far.. much prop's..
9/10 -Dabatos
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01-09-05, 11:07 PM
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#5
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IP: 345E 5154
Thanx mayne, my teacher said that she never seen a male who was a Junior who can write like that. 1 mo time, thanx bro
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:.:Relaunched Originals:.: Eazy Duz It Bitch...or get Popped
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