In rap I hardcore explode and like poor roads deny access
To towns try impress these clowns, they always travel best
On gravel master of tune during the afternoon but like
Kids in the library I try very hard not to talk but body hyped
Seen quotes scatter like remote data set my program to
Let my flow slam like joysticks on computers so it’s damn true
Blend demonstrates style and accentuates smile like twinkles
In eyes, wrinkle vibes awaken folks making smoke water sprinkles
On computer facts are sent but like an accident that hurt people
And alert steeples of churches leaving the ungodly sinners feeble
Mandatory strife is the story of my life hover proper like a helicopter
Lover of the skies and by color and size classify objects become author
Of books, sure is nice to have pure advice wish to be confined to fact

seen as you have been blatently freeposting in other's open mic's. Then continuing to do it after you have been warned,then your post's deleted and you still do it, you should be banned from om. and this closed.

just my opinion.

Hey Come With Some Real Crits And Stop The Hate That What's Reallly Should Be Banned Agreed Feel Me?

hate?

im stating the truth. stop freeposting in others open mics and you might recieve critisism.

I will gladly break you open mic down for you.

In rap I hardcore explode and like poor roads deny access
To towns try impress these clowns, they always travel best

^^^ this is ok, but it seem's to not make 100% sense, as if your missing a few word's in it.



On gravel master of tune during the afternoon but like
Kids in the library I try very hard not to talk but body hyped
^^
again it seem's like you missed a word in there, as if you didnt wanna stretch the line so you just took a word out. "to talk but body hyped". doesnt make sense.

Seen quotes scatter like remote data set my program to
Let my flow slam like joysticks on computers so it’s damn true
^^
this bar is good, but it's more like one whole line, isntead of two.

Blend demonstrates style and accentuates smile like twinkles
In eyes, wrinkle vibes awaken folks making smoke water sprinkles
^^
again doesnt completly make sense,as if you forced the rhyme's.

On computer facts are sent but like an accident that hurt people
And alert steeples of churches leaving the ungodly sinners feeble
^^
good bar, i like it

Mandatory strife is the story of my life hover proper like a helicopter
Lover of the skies and by color and size classify objects become author
Of books, sure is nice to have pure advice wish to be confined to fact
^^again seem's to not make sense, liek word's are missing. but I could get what you were getting at,kinda liekd it not the best.


rhyme's=4/10,some seemed forced which didnt help flow or help it make sense.
structure=7/10, proberly the best thing about this peice is the structure.
flow=6/10, nt to bad, but because of the forced rhyme's it sorta messed the flow up.
content= 4/10 it seem's to be about nothing, you just wrote whatever rhymed. I do topical's so that why I like to have a solid content in peice's.

overall 5/10, you have alot of room to elevate.
but freeposting in other's open mic's is not the way to do it. that will only cause people to never replie to your om's.

THANKS FOR THE CRITS BUT YOU MAY HAVE MADE A POINT FIRST OF ALL IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND MY RHYME YOU MUST HAVE AN IMGINATION i WRITE FROM MY SUBCONSCIOUS MIND SO FROM THE STRAIGHT UP SENSE STANDPOINT IT MAY NOT MAKE SENSE SOMETIMES BUT ONCE YOU START APPLYING YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS MIND YOU'LL LOVE THIS STUFF YOU'LL START TO COMPREHEND GOALS THAT'S UNREACHABLE

^ok buddha...

stop freeposting in other peoples shit thats all i gotta say...your already gonna get banned...

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