It's likely that most people wont understand this, but I thought I would post it anyways.

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Just sittin’ here in the dark.
Walls r cold and musty.
Most the stones from other guys are scribbled and marked up.
I missed you, so I told you.
Just don’t think you could hear it.
But it echoed through my mind and it wouldn’t disappear.
My hands tell somethin to all of my future.
They’re bloody and stiff.
Sometimes I stare into them and almost see your eyes.
The dream is only faded.
As no light can be seen for miles in this cavern.
I keep remembering back to your voice,
when you told me goodbye.
Ive heard so many phrases since that but none of them mean anything.


I still remember the way your lips moved when you said it.
The way the tears on your cheeks fizzled like soda down your face.
The motion your hands swirled in; like tea being shuffled with a spoon...
Oh lord.
Ive spoken no words to anyone else here since.
I think Ive gotten them to believe im deaf or something.
Its really funny.


I feel like a planet.
Lost in the oblivious darkness from the ground,
but seen by the imagination through the eyes of a drunk scientist.
I feel penetrated, like a spotlight into a moving crowd.
But here Im not the same person.
Here I am a quiet bystander.
Sometimes I begin to think im fooling them all.
Im not even guilty.
Every day when I gaze into my reflection from your picture,
I know im a different man then the one you knew before.
And you’d love him, with sincerity.
You’d cherish him.
Listen to me. I am not the person you envision from before.
God damn it, Ann.
I am not him.
From the wrinkles in your eyes I know you're laughing now.


Smilin and pointin at my old picture tellin every damn person you
happy im gone away.
Well.... you know what I tell everyone here?
Im happy you gone.
Sometimes I take my socks.. sheets.. anything,
I rap it tight around meh throat and scream.
I know you hear me, Ann. So I scream louder.

The muscles in my neck contract and I let go of the rope.
I gasp for air.
My hands get bloody and dry from the tugging.
Before I hit the floor,
I see a reflection of your face shading the moon.
Like a dime, it flips...
And I see the light shine from out of my reality.
And know what Ann? Know what it is?
Its an angel.

The light from her innocence casts upon me like dirty bath water.
And I feel awakened. Invoked.
Almost worth somethin again. Jesus Ann.
That’s how I feel when I cry your name out at night and you don’t answer back.
When I turn over in my grave covered in a cold sweat,
that trickles down each one of my pores like a soft vinegar...
and you not ther.

I cringe and raise my eyes up to the light.
And this time the angel speaks, Ann, she speaks.
But her words I cant hear cause her voice is pure and uncomprehendable.
I feel divine in her presence.
But oh lord, Ann.
They tell me ima do life.
I almost miss you as much as I miss my freedom.
I feel likea slave digging in a gold mine...
surrounded by more money then make since and still dirt poor.
My life is dirt without Ann. I feel lost in my own sanity.

Its almost like you tol me many years ago....
When you wore dat beautiful evenin gown and started kissin on
dat other man.
The one that was a dum ass nigga who kept not even one Magnum on um....
You tol me that life goes on, Ann.
You told me that to live you gotta change yoself and the world el
change with you.
Like a diamond completely incrusted with reflections of hell but
bleached with the redemption of earths present.
Well damn Ann.
I have changed.


No no.... aint changed meh shirt, but spiritually I feel calm and at ease.
Im ready to move on.
Jus' like you tol' me.
But you know what Ann?
I cant cause no matter how loud I scream and tell you about it,
how hard and merciless I torture myself, you wont listen.
Damn it Ann. You gone.
You said goodbye.
I wiped the blood of your lips when u gargled it up and you kept
screaming words I couldn’t understand.
God damn it Ann!
You did this to me.


The angel that come here to redeem me keeps scaring me and I cant run because I cant find my legs.
I cant see my body.
All I see is flesh and bone.
But no limbs.
Blood.
Scatted like raindrops all over our white wall.
Your face battered.
Those two gorgeous blue eyes beating..
I long to stare into them again...
closed eternally... Jesus Ann.
I hold you into the light and yell right into yo' ear but you don’t
reply.
So I slice your wrists so your blood will stream like the words you
wont exchange....
Now all I see is a deep black blanket surrounding my pupils like a
thick cloud of fog.
It hovers over me.
Like my guilt.
My conscience tells me ima do death fo this.

I tell myself that I must be strong for you. Ann.
I find my dignity in your being.
I see eternal life through the cuts on my chest that I deliver for you.
I feel the future in the palm of my hand.
I grasp it.
But there is nothing to hold.
Just like a fever.. a fever.. it grips me and I lose control..
I feel the light has come and the angel is choking my redemption.
When I die Ann, I tol the anga....
"Im screaming Ann’s name",
I said, "like she screamin mine in the haze of the devil in my
reflection".
...Like you whispered to me every night to remind me that I sinned.

That you were my presence and I enabled you.
I look up at a view of what could have been,
and I see a reason.
A purpose.
I see no negotiation. I see hell.
Fire that rises over and burns my flesh to a point I cant fathom.
Ann.
I find now that only in my fear do I know how much I needed you here, near me.

I see the same man you saw.
The same man that you begged to leave you with the ones you loved.
I see the same man.
I see life.
Taken away by the hands covered in blood.
I want you to feel present.
I want you to feel me.
I want you to know in the shadow of my career I found more than emptiness... I found you.
And for reasons you dont understand,
I love you.

Eternally,

Death.