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Old 01-22-05, 07:13 PM   #1
kaveh
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Life As It Is

IP: 348C A1C6

i wrote this in about 10 minutes..half was kinda freestyled..i also havnt wrote a text piece for a long time, im tryna stick to audios but watever, eney tips or feedback would be great...

yo,
this pain inside me has no remorse on the way i smoke into a pipe,
i gotta look deeper into myself and learn to quit runnin from life,
preach into my brains;push into the fast lane to have the hype go insane,
be the person that is stronger in the game without blades into my veins,
im smarter than that;smarter than to jus pick on exposed whores,
know right from wrong and get rid of my fear hidin behind closed doors,
but im still scared of the voices that always run through my mind,
hate seein life as it is while my head is jus stuck on the sideline,
now you see why im like this and why this world is not smart,
i aint tryna top the charts because i already threw away my own heart,
there is a devil inside everyones soul that will never be guessed,
but i know myself and know how to protect myself wit a vest,
know wat this game is bringin me and why my heart is blessed,
fuck that line;a gun in my hand wants to put slugs to my chest,
im dieing of hate and lookin to die for wat i have to say,
pick up guns and spray my life away cuz its life as it weighs.


hommie...
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Old 01-22-05, 11:03 PM   #2
Parallel
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kinda steched lines but not bad it still flwos but you wouldnt be able to do that on a audio track so try practicing doing it without so many words then it will flow so much better...but the stucture was pretty good..but the creativty lacked the vocab was weak and i didnt see to much emotion going on in there...but keep doing yo thang..it will come...

alright peice...

leave feed on my OM's in my sig...thanks...
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Old 01-23-05, 05:03 AM   #3
kaveh
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yeh i could make it shorter like an audio drop..thanks for the tip, ill do it next
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Old 01-25-05, 04:03 AM   #4
kaveh
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uppin for some more feedback
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Old 01-27-05, 04:06 PM   #5
kaveh
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still uppin for some feedback
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Old 01-28-05, 09:27 PM   #6
kaveh
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still uppin for some feedback!!!!
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Old 01-29-05, 08:13 AM   #7
intensify effect
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thanks.............

Last edited by intensify effect : 02-01-05 at 08:55 AM.
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Old 01-31-05, 04:38 AM   #8
kaveh
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Links:
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1930546

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post1930547

not sure wat you meant by droppin the links..i read the threads you posted but, i think you ment to drop 2 links..not sure
eneything wrong wit it jus PM or sumthin...
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Old 01-31-05, 10:18 AM   #9
K.I.N.G
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streatched line... flow seemed off... good vocab... it was pretty decent

7.3/10
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Old 01-31-05, 04:00 PM   #10
kaveh
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ight..thanks for the feed man, i will shorten my lines..no worries on that..
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Old 01-31-05, 05:40 PM   #11
Scareface
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Parallel
kinda steched lines but not bad it still flwos but you wouldnt be able to do that on a audio track so try practicing doing it without so many words then it will flow so much better...but the stucture was pretty good..but the creativty lacked the vocab was weak and i didnt see to much emotion going on in there...but keep doing yo thang..it will come...

alright peice...

leave feed on my OM's in my sig...thanks...

I dont have rEally much To Say He explained it All But Still I Nice peice and i Think Ill Give ya A 8/10 Outta Generousity
Stay Up
Peace
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Old 02-01-05, 06:02 AM   #12
mizz fyre
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this drop was pretty good, i think you put some emotion into it, though sometimes you used simple vocab and the lines were stretched it still flowed pretty well,
i gotta look deeper into myself and learn to quit runnin from life

^^^i liked this line.....keep doing it 8/10......
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Old 02-01-05, 06:04 AM   #13
kaveh
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ight thanks man...ill keep droppin and ill work on the feedback tips
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