|
|
|
|
| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
02-02-05, 12:44 PM
|
#1
|
|||||||
|
Middle Weight
|
My Mind Questions
IP: 11AF 50EC
heres a piece i wrote a while back.....
This world amuses me... Confuses me... What’s the purpose? My mind ponders this! Is there really a greater force called GOD? Or were we always here? Where did AIDs come from? What’s the cure for AIDs? My mind wonders... Is the world to complex...? Or do we need to just try harder? Harder to crack the code... Why must man sell crack to another man? Why must we fight one another...? In this battle we call Life? The things that make you go hmmm... Who started racism? And why? Who says one person is better than another? His money? Her body? Why is what I speak most...! Why is my mind! |
|||||||
 
|
|
|
02-28-05, 12:06 PM
|
#2
|
||||
|
Banned: Cheating
|
IP: A3EA 639E
it'z a nice piece u need 2 structure it betta, go into depth a lil more on sum of dez topics (example like "Who Started Racism", den add what steps can we take 2 end it) 2 make people actually think about it but othawise overall it'z 7.0/10 keep up the good work u'll get betta ovatime
|
||||
|
|
|
02-28-05, 12:45 PM
|
#3
|
|||||
|
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
|
IP: 0825 899A
Interesting poem, if i would call it that, more like freeverse, with no immediate concept, but you seem to pull it all together into a nice little piece, you could try to work on some better vocabulary, and lol@ things that make you go hmm, reading that reminded me of that cheesy song fromt he 80's...but seriously, it was pretty decent..keep droppping.1
__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI" O Y D   *FluidMusic* *Poetic Scriptures Moderator* |
|||||
|
|
 |
| Thread Tools | Search this Thread |
| Display Modes | |
|
|
Linear Mode
