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Old 04-17-05, 04:38 PM   #1
Sweft
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Arrow Ask me now why I am in TC!

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I remember second grade, '91, a beautiful year
Before I met you, life was boring with my usual peers
Some liked the hardcore metal, some into the pop scene
Then I seen people hooked onto you like rock fiends
Caught my attention, had my mind in a state of suspension
And when I heard your name mentioned, you made a deep impression
Like infection, but this disease cured me of my affliction
I realized my calling in life was to love you without restriction
Thoughts were distant, I'm a young cat, already thinkin longevity
Your pedigree had me intrigued, seeking you desperately
But you played hard to get, though my thoughts were far from sex
You were afraid I'd use you, and depart like all the rest
You couldn't understand the feeling of a young man
Completely obsessed, my plan was to one day hold your hand
You were in demand, everyone needed some of your affection
I knew you'd only show me love if I got my game to perfection
'Cause your game was solid, you used to flirt with me
Hurtin me, we'd joke around, you did that shit purposely
Ever since that day my boy introduced you to me
I foolishly thought your moves to me weren't done abusively
Yeah you hurt me, perfectly worked me, it's funny how you jerked me
Must of had a Berkley degree, how to flirt superbly
Two years later after we were friends, and you found me appealing
I thought I'd grab a pen and pad, and express to you my feelings
I sat and wrote a poem, thought I was writing intricate words
In truth it was abstract thoughts, an insignificant verse
I read it to you, you laughed and called me a fake
I felt my heart break as my hand started to shake
Why wouldn't you accept me? Why'd you have to infect me?
At least respect me, instead you chewed me and didn't digest me
You spit me out, and left me in the streets begging forgiveness
In the distance, you said "Don't give up" and gave me your digits
I finally made some progress, a small step toward being with you
And in your eyes I could see, you needed me to kiss you...

...Two years later, my feelings towards you were even greater
I was in a state of infatuation, studied you alpha to omega
But I got wiser, I noticed the way you despised the
Letters I wrote to you, like a childish admirer
So I listened, your words glistened, I had a new mission
Spend all my time with you, wishing to learn your wisdom
Everything you spoke I absorbed, even what others ignored
Totally engorged, wanted more, radiated toward your orb
Your knowledge inspired me, like caffeine wired me
But you still didn't feel the same, I noticed your sister admired me
Your appearance was similar, I started to get into her
Plus you were so complicated, she was much simpler
Some people that didn't know, called her by the same name as you
Sometimes I got confused, but she didn't have the same mindframe as you
So for the next three years, me and her were together
Then one day saw you, and remembered she's a pretender
I could see you'd been hurt, and that you needed me
Broke up with her immediately, fot the first time you believed in me
God how I missed you, I leaned in and kissed you
You pulled back, then embraced, and finally made my wish true
It was a Thursday in the month of May when we discoverd fate
I knew I'd never be one of the ones that your love betrayed...

...Tenth grade began, remember all the things we'd planned?
I was gettin high off you, while my boys were steamin plants
We spent all our time together, maybe that was our mistake
I guess it was fate that our love would breed a little hate
We started fightin, clashed like thunder and lightnin
What was once so right, seemed like it might end
We were going through strife, I was no longer enjoying life
One night, had a huge fight, I had to exit stage right
That's when I decided to bounce from the crib outta spite
Went to a rave, but I didn't find nothing I liked
But I realized it would be best, if you'd see me less
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I guess we'd test
Those four months without you, I did nothin but think about you
Had to be around you, once again it was a Thursday night when I found you
You made a request, my favorite song, I knew we passed the test
I guess when true love manifests, it finds success through any stress...

...Fall of '02, I bought a gift for us to share
It looked so beautiful in the store, I had to get the matching pair
They spun, hypnotized me, I heard you chant the message
I gently touched you, you sang louder, and I began caressing
With every touch, we became closer until our souls merged
There were no more cold words, our love fused to mold birth
Love is infinate, infatuation is intricate
What we shared that day was equivalent to simple arithmetic
Me plus you would equal a bond that would never diminish
The simplest answer I gathered was, you're my reason for existence
With my love validated, I picked up the pen
Once again I wrote you a love letter, to tell you my intent
When I finally got the nerve to read you those words
My thoughts were no longer shallow, I was deeply submerged
I noticed a tear in your eye when I finished reciting
You were a little frightened at how much my mind was enlightened
I had been listening all those years, to every word you preached
And now our thoughts advanced beyond the weak, and met at the same peak...

...Today I feel incredible, our love is beyond sexual
I've found someone intellectual, I got so much respect for you
I still see your sister some days around the way
I knew one day she'd be rich, I guess she found her way
And even though you and me aren't blessed with material pleasures
The mutual respect we share, is our greatest treasure
My mind is a gem, and your voice is a diamond
Every day I'm findin new situations our love is defined in
I hold you in high esteem, my Queen
My dream is to find a scheme for me and you to get cream
For the time being, I only have my love to offer
And in a year or so I plan to make that love into our daughter
You control me, nurture me, hold me, need you to mold me
I'm still loyal all these years, remember all that you told me
Please don't leave me, like others you've loved in the past
In the last for years, one of my friends have passed
I wanna tame you, remain true, hold you down like gravity
I have to be with you forever, Hip Hop, will you marry me?

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=186428

Uppin for feed-back and it will be returned!
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Last edited by Sweft : 04-17-05 at 04:52 PM.
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Old 04-17-05, 04:40 PM   #2
Sweft
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yeah, my best yet. And THIS is why Daz invited me into TC! I hope you actually get my msg and give me postive feed-back..
Sweft
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Old 04-17-05, 04:51 PM   #3
Sweft
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Ill be back tonight and check feed-back!
Sweft
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Old 04-17-05, 07:31 PM   #4
Sweft
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wow, ima be uppin for feed back til I get one of those hot new threads. THE RED one.. than ppl might actually read it!
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Old 04-17-05, 08:38 PM   #5
Kawn Flixx
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Stop exsesivly freeposting!...
This was a decent peice..
You used alot of emotions... good feeling ...
Your structure was off, and you really need to work on how you line up your barz..
Imagery was good , you really made the reader want to keep reading..
overall this was a decent drop.. alittle long , but it was really good,
next time try to elevate on wordplay ,vocabulary, and structure
Nice peice , keep it up , and hope to see more work from you in the future
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Old 04-17-05, 10:47 PM   #6
Sweft
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bonecollector
Stop exsesivly freeposting!...
This was a decent peice..
You used alot of emotions... good feeling ...
Your structure was off, and you really need to work on how you line up your barz..
Imagery was good , you really made the reader want to keep reading..
overall this was a decent drop.. alittle long , but it was really good,
next time try to elevate on wordplay ,vocabulary, and structure
Nice peice , keep it up , and hope to see more work from you in the future


(LoL) just figured like, if people saw alot of replys they would read it.
Thank You for the honest feed-back.
Well, can you show me what you would of changed differnt. How can I step up on somethin' when Im doing my best? I felt this was a great drop. Like, my structure.. if you use word it comes out just fine.

Well, uppin for feed back.. (and ty for the honesty)
Sweft
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Old 04-17-05, 10:56 PM   #7
Thorn
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As I read it I could feel the emotion, which is always a plus. It was a real nice peace. Good job and keep it up. Also took me a good 5 minutes to read though, lol.
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Old 04-18-05, 01:43 AM   #8
Sweft
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thorn
As I read it I could feel the emotion, which is always a plus. It was a real nice peace. Good job and keep it up. Also took me a good 5 minutes to read though, lol.

Yo, thank you so much for reading it! Feed back so far is returned.

Ima start droppin in PS cuz I get way more feed back in their..
Uppin..
Sweft
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