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04-17-05, 04:38 PM | #1 | ||||
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Ask me now why I am in TC!
IP: 342A DA98
I remember second grade, '91, a beautiful year
Before I met you, life was boring with my usual peers Some liked the hardcore metal, some into the pop scene Then I seen people hooked onto you like rock fiends Caught my attention, had my mind in a state of suspension And when I heard your name mentioned, you made a deep impression Like infection, but this disease cured me of my affliction I realized my calling in life was to love you without restriction Thoughts were distant, I'm a young cat, already thinkin longevity Your pedigree had me intrigued, seeking you desperately But you played hard to get, though my thoughts were far from sex You were afraid I'd use you, and depart like all the rest You couldn't understand the feeling of a young man Completely obsessed, my plan was to one day hold your hand You were in demand, everyone needed some of your affection I knew you'd only show me love if I got my game to perfection 'Cause your game was solid, you used to flirt with me Hurtin me, we'd joke around, you did that shit purposely Ever since that day my boy introduced you to me I foolishly thought your moves to me weren't done abusively Yeah you hurt me, perfectly worked me, it's funny how you jerked me Must of had a Berkley degree, how to flirt superbly Two years later after we were friends, and you found me appealing I thought I'd grab a pen and pad, and express to you my feelings I sat and wrote a poem, thought I was writing intricate words In truth it was abstract thoughts, an insignificant verse I read it to you, you laughed and called me a fake I felt my heart break as my hand started to shake Why wouldn't you accept me? Why'd you have to infect me? At least respect me, instead you chewed me and didn't digest me You spit me out, and left me in the streets begging forgiveness In the distance, you said "Don't give up" and gave me your digits I finally made some progress, a small step toward being with you And in your eyes I could see, you needed me to kiss you... ...Two years later, my feelings towards you were even greater I was in a state of infatuation, studied you alpha to omega But I got wiser, I noticed the way you despised the Letters I wrote to you, like a childish admirer So I listened, your words glistened, I had a new mission Spend all my time with you, wishing to learn your wisdom Everything you spoke I absorbed, even what others ignored Totally engorged, wanted more, radiated toward your orb Your knowledge inspired me, like caffeine wired me But you still didn't feel the same, I noticed your sister admired me Your appearance was similar, I started to get into her Plus you were so complicated, she was much simpler Some people that didn't know, called her by the same name as you Sometimes I got confused, but she didn't have the same mindframe as you So for the next three years, me and her were together Then one day saw you, and remembered she's a pretender I could see you'd been hurt, and that you needed me Broke up with her immediately, fot the first time you believed in me God how I missed you, I leaned in and kissed you You pulled back, then embraced, and finally made my wish true It was a Thursday in the month of May when we discoverd fate I knew I'd never be one of the ones that your love betrayed... ...Tenth grade began, remember all the things we'd planned? I was gettin high off you, while my boys were steamin plants We spent all our time together, maybe that was our mistake I guess it was fate that our love would breed a little hate We started fightin, clashed like thunder and lightnin What was once so right, seemed like it might end We were going through strife, I was no longer enjoying life One night, had a huge fight, I had to exit stage right That's when I decided to bounce from the crib outta spite Went to a rave, but I didn't find nothing I liked But I realized it would be best, if you'd see me less Absence makes the heart grow fonder, I guess we'd test Those four months without you, I did nothin but think about you Had to be around you, once again it was a Thursday night when I found you You made a request, my favorite song, I knew we passed the test I guess when true love manifests, it finds success through any stress... ...Fall of '02, I bought a gift for us to share It looked so beautiful in the store, I had to get the matching pair They spun, hypnotized me, I heard you chant the message I gently touched you, you sang louder, and I began caressing With every touch, we became closer until our souls merged There were no more cold words, our love fused to mold birth Love is infinate, infatuation is intricate What we shared that day was equivalent to simple arithmetic Me plus you would equal a bond that would never diminish The simplest answer I gathered was, you're my reason for existence With my love validated, I picked up the pen Once again I wrote you a love letter, to tell you my intent When I finally got the nerve to read you those words My thoughts were no longer shallow, I was deeply submerged I noticed a tear in your eye when I finished reciting You were a little frightened at how much my mind was enlightened I had been listening all those years, to every word you preached And now our thoughts advanced beyond the weak, and met at the same peak... ...Today I feel incredible, our love is beyond sexual I've found someone intellectual, I got so much respect for you I still see your sister some days around the way I knew one day she'd be rich, I guess she found her way And even though you and me aren't blessed with material pleasures The mutual respect we share, is our greatest treasure My mind is a gem, and your voice is a diamond Every day I'm findin new situations our love is defined in I hold you in high esteem, my Queen My dream is to find a scheme for me and you to get cream For the time being, I only have my love to offer And in a year or so I plan to make that love into our daughter You control me, nurture me, hold me, need you to mold me I'm still loyal all these years, remember all that you told me Please don't leave me, like others you've loved in the past In the last for years, one of my friends have passed I wanna tame you, remain true, hold you down like gravity I have to be with you forever, Hip Hop, will you marry me? http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=186428 Uppin for feed-back and it will be returned!
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04-17-05, 04:40 PM | #2 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 342A DA98
yeah, my best yet. And THIS is why Daz invited me into TC! I hope you actually get my msg and give me postive feed-back..
Sweft
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04-17-05, 04:51 PM | #3 | ||||
Light Weight
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IP: 342A DA98
Ill be back tonight and check feed-back!
Sweft
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04-17-05, 07:31 PM | #4 | ||||
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IP: 342A DA98
wow, ima be uppin for feed back til I get one of those hot new threads. THE RED one.. than ppl might actually read it!
Sweft
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04-17-05, 08:38 PM | #5 | ||||
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IP: 0AE0 3B1A
Stop exsesivly freeposting!...
This was a decent peice.. You used alot of emotions... good feeling ... Your structure was off, and you really need to work on how you line up your barz.. Imagery was good , you really made the reader want to keep reading.. overall this was a decent drop.. alittle long , but it was really good, next time try to elevate on wordplay ,vocabulary, and structure Nice peice , keep it up , and hope to see more work from you in the future
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The Competition
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04-17-05, 10:47 PM | #6 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: 342A DA98
Quote:
(LoL) just figured like, if people saw alot of replys they would read it. Thank You for the honest feed-back. Well, can you show me what you would of changed differnt. How can I step up on somethin' when Im doing my best? I felt this was a great drop. Like, my structure.. if you use word it comes out just fine. Well, uppin for feed back.. (and ty for the honesty) Sweft
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04-17-05, 10:56 PM | #7 | |||||||
Who's Next?
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IP: 8E70 C31B
As I read it I could feel the emotion, which is always a plus. It was a real nice peace. Good job and keep it up. Also took me a good 5 minutes to read though, lol.
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Thorn. .L.yrikal .S.aigonz Everlasting Love Sunlight Fades Total Posts: 1,892 (795.62 posts per day) Quite active, aren't I? Don't get pricked.
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04-18-05, 01:43 AM | #8 | |||||
Light Weight
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IP: 342A DA98
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Yo, thank you so much for reading it! Feed back so far is returned. Ima start droppin in PS cuz I get way more feed back in their.. Uppin.. Sweft
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