RapVerse.com Community
 Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End RV Radio  

Go Back   RapVerse.com Community > Fresh From The Lab > Textual Releases > Poetic Scriptures
User Name
Password
FAQ Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

Reply
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 04-19-05, 10:30 AM   #1
Lil C
Middle Weight
 
Lil C's Avatar
 
Posts: 511
Joined: Sep 2004
From: Detroit
Status: Offline
Text Record: 4-9
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
The White Room

IP: 11AF 50EC

Hearts pace'n, mind race'n...
In this bare room, I stare at the wall..
Thinking.
My face heats up...
Someone take this tourch from me...
It's not fire I feel.
I realize this as I touch my cheek.
All I feel are tears..
But why?
Possibly the fear of being alone...
Or is there just a black hole that has replaced happiness?
As I stare at this white wall...
I think, and I continue to cry.
This room is closing around me...
But why?
Is it because it's not what it once was?
Beautiful, colorful, full of life...
I try to speak, but nothing comes out...
I try to stand & run, but I'm unable to move.
Some powerful force has over come me.
forcing me to stay here and...
Think, and cry! Cry and think!
This room is become black.
It seems like the white room is bleeding black blood...
I am reminded by of something but I just don't know what it is...
Why am I trapped here...
It's clear now...
This room isn't a room...
It's my life.
Send a message via AIM to Lil C Send a message via Yahoo to Lil C   Reply With Quote
Old 04-21-05, 02:31 PM   #2
DQ
Odi et Amo
 
DQ's Avatar
 
Posts: 3,675
Joined: Feb 2004
From: Alosta City
Status: Offline
IP: EEBB 5B0F

Oh, I'm loving this song...it has a mysterious vibe over it and you're constantly switching emotions which is a very nice add-on to the poem. Had good vocab because you kept it simple yet powerful. Emotion was pure and raw, the questions and sometimes just one word brought something extra to the piece. I love how you pictured the room as your life, imagery was nice as well!

Good going girl!

DQ
__________________


Authentik Intelligence





...The future is mine...

Send a message via AIM to DQ Send a message via MSN to DQ Send a message via Yahoo to DQ   Reply With Quote
Old 04-25-05, 02:14 PM   #3
Lil C
Middle Weight
 
Lil C's Avatar
 
Posts: 511
Joined: Sep 2004
From: Detroit
Status: Offline
Text Record: 4-9
Audio Record: 0-0
Graphics Record: 0-0
IP: 11AF 50EC

awe thanx fo da feed DQ really appreciate it, uppin dis shit....1
Send a message via AIM to Lil C Send a message via Yahoo to Lil C   Reply With Quote
Old 04-26-05, 12:51 PM   #4
fluidmoon
<<-Carpe Noctum->>
 
fluidmoon's Avatar
 
Posts: 2,183
Joined: Jun 2004
From: NEW YORK
Status: Offline
Audio Record: 2-0
IP: 28AD 5545

Good imagery here and use of metaphors,very well written poem.. nice job girl
__________________
"QUOD ME NUTRIT, ME DESTRUIT--AUT VINCERE AUT MORI"

O Y D

*FluidMusic*


*Poetic Scriptures Moderator*
  Reply With Quote
Reply


Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump



All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:51 AM.

Powered by vBulletin.
Copyright © 2000-2004 Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.