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05-15-05, 12:24 PM | #1 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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Drama Queen vs ~Babylon~
IP: 0E89 9DF2
Battles up Monday - Check In by Wednesday - Drop by Friday - Votes by Sunday No line limit and the battler with most votes by Sunday night is the winner. If this is a topical battle, write a topical and not a poetic drop and the same is vice a versa. All Battlers must vote on 4 other battles and leave their voting links in their battle thread. Battles voted on may be from either poetry or topical battles. Extensions must be asked for by Thursday night by pming any of the mods (Acuity, Drama Queen & Elementality). No extensions will be given 4 if asked 4 on Friday night. Extensions are only given till Sunday night at the most. Every battler must nominate (not their own) one topical and poetry battle for pieces of the week, in the main forum . People with pieces of the week shall have their drops stickied and placed in the Pieces Of Inspiration sub forum Topic: Summer Rain
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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05-15-05, 03:09 PM | #2 | ||||
~Lyrical Nirvana~
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IP: 0825 899A
check....oh and DQ if I win u should join CS....how bout it
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05-15-05, 03:30 PM | #3 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: 0E89 9DF2
^Hehe, tempting offer
Checkity Check
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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05-19-05, 12:29 PM | #4 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: 7D4C 6816
Summer Rain . . . Cold, shivering hand palms seeking mine as I sit by your side Pupils open wide, drool out of your mouth, slowly losing pride A single salty tear reaches my lips when you pinch my skin Hair became so thin yet I can still feel your strength within Struggling to turn your head towards the window, towards me Point your finger so I can see the wet leaves of an oak tree Suddenly you utter a sigh followed by words: summer...rain... Finally flash a smile again as you forget the torturing pain . . . Reminiscing of last summer, laying still on greenest grass Greyish eyes as pure as glass, unaware it would all pass Seeking for depths of your soul covered by a shell of flesh Playing with an apricot flower smelling so pure and fresh Silently listening to birds’ laughter as I rest my head On your shoulder when you suddenly stood up and said: “Can you taste the summer; can you taste the real life? This, for me, is ultimate happiness: no stress, no strife I won’t experience it again, controlled by this rotten spot Eaten by cancer as my existence been put on time slot” After those words, I was gone…gone from the cruel world Remember I started spinning, round and round, so twirled Rain streaming down on both of us, blending with our tears Luckily the smell of it on hot concrete soothed mutual fears . . . Now I see the craving in your system to feel it one last time That urge to feel alive, to smell the rain and the wild thyme You whisper: “take me there…together with you…like before As an old forgotten lore, take me to the summer rain I adore” And so I sit here, your head peacefully resting inside my lap Eye lids slowly closing when I suddenly realize this is a trap You are leaving me at this idyllic scene, alone and in pain As you give your last breath and say: taste the summer rain
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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05-19-05, 11:38 PM | #5 | ||||
~Lyrical Nirvana~
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IP: 3240 794D
"Summer Rains and a sons pain" . . "Act 1 -a childs frustration" . . Schools out, suns shinning, grass greener than ever dew glistens on the lawn as I pick up my glove and clean the leather I tie the laces on my shoes, and pull up my socks dump the sand and flick off rocks, push my feet in, twist and turn knots a quick game with my pops, we'll through a few balls but wait!...i felt somethin? 1 drop, 2 drop, the rain starts to fall mother screams in the background, "git inside before u catch a cold" bored, looking hard through a window, rusty, scraped and old face so defient and bold, angry at the cloud fluttered sky felt my mothers eyes, as my tears swelled with a cluttered cry weather is so difficult, cause rains such a bother now I missed bonding time, just wanted one game with my father . . "Act 2 - summer rain does what I feal" . . the window is my friend and its aways there when I call summer rains, like my life, they shine when they fall since the first time I saw, it represented my father lightning cuts clouds like a knife to my body, a spiritual slaughter as rain gets harder, one drop for every tear that I've cried in my life I've died to this site, where dreams meet nightmares and shadows meet light were good and evil co-exist, in my screwed up thoughts because the damaged father figure I got, and the things that he taught and every fight that we fought, seemed like the sun and the clouds when they stuggle for the the sky's attention, and this is us NOW! . . "Act 3 - A silver Lining" . . grown man I've become, and my father met his maker died from a heart attack, I hated him, my mother I couldnt face her but my hatred didnt faze her, she always told me to love and recognized my anger, cuz even our last touch was a shuv when I wished for a hug, but he just called me a coward and reality always sets in, when the heated season brings showers it symbolizes our falty relationship and where our problems arose from me being irresponsible, and all the paths that I chose and its the fact that I know, that my hate was really a silver lining cuz I just realized, I always expressed my love through the fighting . . "Close Curtain - Rainbow apears"
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05-20-05, 02:38 AM | #6 | |||||
Banned
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IP: ECB3 36A0
Nice battle. Both had good emotion & told a nice little story.
DQ had me more interested with her concise, more emotional piece. She had some real nice poetical lines such as: Seeking for depths of your soul covered by a shell of flesh Playing with an apricot flower smelling so pure and fresh VQueen |
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05-20-05, 08:27 PM | #7 | ||||
New to RV
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IP: 3478 5D02
both pieces were good reads. but i liked DQz brevity. babylonz wuz long az hell but it wuz still good. i enjoyed the emotion n imagery commin from both pieces...but i got a lil more of both from DQ.
vote = DQ |
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05-20-05, 10:11 PM | #8 | ||||
~Lyrical Nirvana~
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IP: 28AD 5545
na man this is gay.......short ass explanations......BY NEWBS!!!!!
what the hell has this site come to......... please someone....with credibility vote........ so if I loose still.....I know I wasnt cheated......thank you
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05-21-05, 01:38 PM | #9 | |||||
in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
okay, this is how i saw it
both came with cool idea, different views of the topic....personally, i really liked the start of babylons, but didn't like the way you ended it...meh, first two verses were awesome, first one had sweet imagery, second had the emotion....third, didn't think you kept it consistent, not that it wasn't good....i thought you could have made it more effective........but still, you had a nice verse....i thought you would taken it dq, i thought you were more consistent with your story, you had great emotion all the way through, flowed awesome, imagery (not as good as babylon's, but his was just fire)...i felt this was more of an emotional piece, and thats what made it so effective....it really set in and i was dripping off the edge of every line......good piece good battle by both, def keep writing good verses v/dq
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this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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05-21-05, 05:28 PM | #10 | ||||
~Lyrical Nirvana~
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IP: 3240 794D
aiight........................good job DQ
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05-22-05, 04:13 AM | #11 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: E3EC B040
^if you want to I can pm the other heads that voted to expand their explanation...
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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05-22-05, 08:13 AM | #12 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: E3EC B040
Score so far: Drama Queen: 4 votes ~Babylon~: 0 votes
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... Last edited by Drama Queen : 05-22-05 at 09:05 AM. |
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05-22-05, 08:42 AM | #13 | |||
**the council**
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IP: 7960 1771
wow this battle was real nice and so close........
dq: your verse was structured well, flow was on point, vocab was nice and emotion.....the imagery was beautiful.....i loved the way you told the story.....so well that i could actually picture what everything looked like......i feel like you just edged this battle out basically for the amount of imagery and emotion you had in the verse....seemed so real..... babylon: yours was a nice piece, you showed a lil less complexity than dqs piece but i liked the way that you put it into acts 1, 2 and 3.....like a "play" or somethin. i felt like that was real creative.......your verse didn't show as much emotion as dqs though....so my vote goes to DQ for a high level of imagery and emotion
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05-23-05, 02:07 PM | #14 | ||||
Odi et Amo
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IP: 10BC 0CC1
Drama Queen wins: 4 votes against 0
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Authentik Intelligence ...The future is mine... |
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