*from another site.. Hope you enjoy:

B.S.
My life's already set and done.. Everyday I wake up with shivers..
..Ever since her death, I've given a new meaning to cry me a river
Can't stand tall, seems like nothing around here matters at all..
..like Im scared of heights, Never wanna get up In fear of the fall
But it's winter, December 25th, Christmas night to be more exact..
..& it wasn't till then I realised that we could both unite with a pact
He approached me slowly it was dark but his shadow stood out..
..I knew what he came for, never in my mind did I have any doubt
Wanna get out? He said, Life? Forever so gruesome and cold..
..All I'm asking is to allow me to introduce a price for your sole
Stopped to reflect for a minute or two, Wonderin what shud I do..
..Is this worth it? Is she worth me selling my sole to this dude?
She was priceless to me, He promised I'd get to see her again..
And that was enough..........
..I was ready to John Hancock the document, he hands me a pen

A.S.
Me and her united at last.. We lived together happy and equal..
..No more rollercoasters I thought, Life stays high not feeble
So what if I United with evil, It won't come & haunt me right?..
..But inside I'm drownin' in fear.. brainstormin' to my dislike
Inside I'm cloudin in tears.. wasn't it happily ever after I thought..
..I could even sense the sarcasm with all the laughter he brought
She started coming home late, arriving whenever she felt like..
..didn't wanna get her attention, my mouth was shut wit great frieght
I couldn't help but to wonder where she would wonder off to so late..
..She said she'd be working.. but I knew her latest shift was at eight
Suspicions were rising like the sun at dawn, tried to keep my calm..
..I love her, Life seems so peaceful with her in between my arms
I couldn't possibly doubt her I thought, we were meant to be lovers..
..But that all changed.. When I saw her between the arms of another
Stunned.. Shocked, I stand there speechless, My heart dropped..
They didn't see me........
..But me seeing them was enough to leave this life In Shock
Reminiscin' my mission as I'm getting ready to empty the shells..
..So much for Heaven on earth, My world was ending in hell
All this seemed so spontaneous, I missed all of the signs..
I sold my sole to him for her.......
.
.
.
..................But unknowingly She was Him the whole Time

not one reply? this is sad...

right here man, good emotion......good structure i copped a good flow wit this....you needa up in structure.....telled the story good.......up in multis and shit like that.........7.5/10........rtf on my links........1

the imagery in this piece was very good, nothing to complain about there, the emotion was very good as well, vocabulary could be upped some more though, multiples were very weak work on thoughs, the thing is i cant believe you told me to work on my multiples when you dont even use them, the flow was good but im just not quite feelin it keep elevatin man, 1

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