** this is the same verse in the freestyles section... i just moved it for more critiques

I cant decide how good or bad i am at freestylin so i need some feedback.. heres something i wrote up.. get at me about words.. structure.. flow.. whatever u got to tell.


i live an under-averaged life,a rich kid in a broke family..
holding up a savaged knife
just to come at the night..
a perfect planner but cant even speak his language right
i fight with tense-flight, and hence-might be untouchable
some fuckable, purchasin his own lunchables
its such a role.. to be-- the illest ranked rated,
i spanked Satan and played him, i payed him and just put 8 in i hate him but nearly made him
now hes up afraid and betrayed cuz he heard these lyrics and stayed away from the savior.
On rapverse he battled jesus.. his back hurts and his dick freezes
believe this, he lifts his horns and trys to pass on what he pleases,
diseases! from solid peaches.. the pit! turns into leaches
and beaches.. overflow in the sand till it out reaches...

__________________

Current Battles - (leave some feed)

VS. S.P

VS. AITZ

STRUCTURE-nah man not feelin the structure try and make each line have the same amount of sylabelles and line up.
Multis-Not so bad mutltis you had them flowin nice good job on that.
Flow-was iight not too bad but kinda thrown off becuz of the poor structure.
Not a bad freestyle good concept but u jumped around from topic to topic watch out for that iight..........RTF on my o/m in my sig please..1