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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
09-22-05, 12:47 PM
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#1
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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Worth it
IP: 042E 9E4C
The faces are distorted, voices are distant,
It seems this mayhem, happened in an instant. Trying to focus, I see masked figures and blinding lights. All of a sudden, it feels like a dagger has been plunged into my skin; Ripping, it feels tight. My insides pound against my skin like a fight, they are trying to escape,this doesnt feel right. I'm frightened. Around my hand, fingers tighten, My senses are heightened, The pain is like nothing I've ever experienced before. I Can't help but breathe and gasp. Urgency engulfs me; and the grasp on my hand becomes stronger. It feels i've been here for an eternity, maybe longer.... I look down. My waist is numb, all i can see is blood stained bed clothes. I cant focus, My insides surge, my body tightens, becomes rigid. Like paper i tear, my everything aches. Sweat trips from my pores, this pain is climactic. Absolute. So sore i'm numb, but then releif- my rigidity breaks. The pain is less. All urgency resides now i'm looking into,my new-born babies eyes. Physical pain becomes no more, Emotions so elevated, my body could soar.
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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09-22-05, 12:47 PM
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#2
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
I'll get links now
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This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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09-22-05, 12:53 PM
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#3
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
__________________
This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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09-22-05, 01:02 PM
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#4
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
__________________
This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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09-22-05, 05:04 PM
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#5
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Cuz I'm Old Skool Baby
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IP: 042E 9E4C
hmmmmmmmmmm............
__________________
This is my sig. what? I'm white so u KNOW i can't rap =) I will definitely RTF if u leave a link, thanks! |
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09-23-05, 03:22 PM
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#6
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1926
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IP: 3240 794D
Not To Bad Man.
This Piece Had Alot Of Nice Imagery And Emotion, But Woulda Liked It More I Think If Your Vocabulary Was Alittle More Vast. ... It Was Just Kinda Basic Explanations Of The Feeling You Were Expressing. At Times Though You Wording And Puntuation Made For Very Effective Lines, 'Sweat trips from my pores, this pain is climactic. Absolute.' That Line Really Just Hit Me, Really Liked That. It Was Just Simple, But Simple Is Very Much So Different Than 'Basic'. Simple Pushes A Very Effective Message Through A Line Of Easily Comprehendible Phases. If The Whole Piece Were Like The Above That Would Have Been Nice. Another Thing, Watch You Structure. I Know Its Poetry But Tryn Get A Steady Line Length, Just More Pleasing To The Eye You Know? Uuum, Imagery... Tryn Use More Creative Metaphors. 'I cant focus, My insides surge, my body tightens, becomes rigid. Like paper i tear, my everything aches.' The Whole Paper Thing Was, Bleh. Could Have Been Like, 'I Sit, A Paper Doll To Pain's Adaptation Of Ancient Asain Arts.' Just More Interesting You Know? Overall Though This Was A Nice Piece, Keep Writing And Elevating Man. |
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