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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
08-15-05, 07:54 AM
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#1
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Real Life ~ Hottest Song On Here!!!
IP: 4DCA AFA7
http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2366981 Real Life I Dont Care About Vocab I Know Its Not Good And I Need To Work On It [Verse=Devin] Please tell me what is real life, is it what your living-to-day can you get through poverty while puttin the killin, stealin-away When you can make a dollar out of 15 cents with out comitin-crimes Is it predicting-lies, or lieing, lookin in the devils sinnin-eyes for girls is it winnin-guys, or guys winnin them over or when you can alwas be drunk while stayin sober and the terrist could have attacked the tower-any-day why did they choose 9-11 to try to take our power-away if they say men dont cry then they havent lived real life trust me if they did tears would be comin out of there eye and I cant help it when my mind ghostwrites-for-my-hands and i love all the e-mails and post-writes-from-my-fans thats real life when people from all over give-you-love Now i got fans from across the world my fam's buildin-up i do what a dealer-doese, give you a lil-then-charge for these lines that i stop the cuss in i still-been-hard forgive me for this sin-god, im goin through a real-life if i was real-tight you would think i'd get a deal-right problem is im still-white, labels only care bout-ya-look they dont care about your lyrics only if you shout-ya-hook i wonder why the heck do you even bother readin this about my life when you dont know what your real life is [Hook=Devin] real life is what god-shows-us... so next time you say god-hold-up... cause he can make your life-so-great... or give you a roll of the dice-youll-hate... [Verse=Devin] i cant tell you your real life what goes on at your house i only predict what you go through by what comes out ya mouth then i try to write something you can easily relate to somthing that you haft to think about and debate truth cause when i write you loose all since of reality whats real is god praise him please dont bow to me dont worship me cause then im takin away from him and dont think a praise will take away from a sin if you knew what you were doin the whole time within not religous dont read the bible dont kno were to begin barly ever go to church and i always ask my self why then theres a church next door i got to stop all this denyin the lord i mean he saved me but i havent been saved put my head under the water and get me bathed let the lords water go in my mouth and up my nose let me drink the virgins blood in the cup he holds give me enternal life with out enternally dieing i got to watch out cause he can hear me when im lieing but also hears me crying and know what im goin through and he also tells me the concepts that im showin you [Hook=Devin] real life is what god-shows-us... so next time you say god-hold-up... cause he can make your life-so-great... or give you a roll of the dice-youll-hate... [Verse=Devin] the other hand disobay him life will be a livin hell so go ahead comit crimes and sin, but steal in well... your doomed for hell youll get no chance of lucky rolls so if your a criminal you better have fun lovin hoes i hate when people say "how can you believe in him and a old book makein people believe crime is a sin we dont believe in no tunnel and the end f the light its was a bad attempt to get people to act right so youll be a good citizen and obey the commandments" so i pray to god and ask him please not to damn them its not there fault its the way they were brought up then i try my best to teach and get them caught up so i say to all you disbelievers.............................. if im wrong i just waisted some time havin fun in church if your wrong its over for you now tell me whats worse [Hook=Devin] real life is what god-shows-us... so next time you say god-hold-up... cause he can make your life-so-great... or give you a roll of the dice-youll-hate...
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Last edited by Devin : 08-15-05 at 09:24 PM. |
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08-15-05, 08:39 PM
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#2
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IP: ADFF 87E4
Uppin For Some Feed
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08-15-05, 09:09 PM
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#3
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Middle Weight
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IP: 8A05 210E
yeah mayne i like ya concept, vocab was up-2-par, structure was on point, overall i like da creativity & originality keep writing u got skillz 9/10
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 Choose words carefully when you address me
You ain't gotta like me, but you're gonna respect me (Or else) or else you get wet like a jigsknee Take ten of these and live, that'll impress me |
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08-15-05, 09:50 PM
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#4
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IP: ADFF 87E4
Thanks Payn For That Feed
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08-15-05, 10:48 PM
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#5
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Coming to Kill you All
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IP: 3492 E56D
OK....long verse...But i read it all....I like the concept of the song.Seems like a good message your tellin here.My favorite verse was the 1st one.The multis was Craaaaaaazy!!LoL.And the good thing about the multis....was that they weren't forced.The last part about the labels caring about looks and not lyrics..some real shit there.Wording stayed on point throughout the whole thing.
Now...the hook..it's good...for text.But as for using it in audio or in a song..it wouldn't work as it was too short and seemed a bit off.Try and make the hooks better.And your 1st verse was multis and then I noticed the steady decline.The 2nd verse had some multis...then the 3rd didn't have any that I recall.Try and stick to one style when making a song.And last..the vocab...but it seems you already know you need to work on that...so..get crackin.LOL So all in all...work on hooks,keep one style/rhyme shceme for a song,and vocab. Overall-8.8/10....tough to keep readers interested when makin a long song...but you pulled it off..nice job RTF http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=204478 |
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08-16-05, 07:01 PM
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#7
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
Ya Thanks For All The Feed And Put This In The Hall of Fame Please Do Yall Think It Could Be In There Or Not?
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08-16-05, 09:53 PM
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#8
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
Uppin For Some More Feed Please
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08-16-05, 10:35 PM
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#9
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-Not On My Level-
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IP: 6CD7 CCA3
shit was dope....good vocab...good flow....good imagery.....da hook was tight as well...keep doing what u do fam......RTF......9/10
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08-17-05, 07:48 AM
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#10
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IP: 4A7F FDAF
Ight Koo Thanks For The Feed Uppin For More
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08-17-05, 08:00 AM
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#11
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©
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IP: 68F3 D87D
Ye a very drop dawg......i like the concept,it flowed very nice.......vocab was aight and good imagery!!!!
8.5/10 Plz could you return the flavor on the bottom OM in my sig!!!! |
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08-17-05, 09:59 PM
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#12
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IP: B157 E022
Thanks I Wil Return The Favor Like Tommorow Night Prolly
Uppin For More Feedage
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08-18-05, 08:12 AM
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#13
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IP: B157 E022
All Favors Returned Uppin For Some More Feed
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08-18-05, 09:39 PM
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#14
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IP: B157 E022
Uppin To The Top
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08-18-05, 10:10 PM
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#15
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A Life Of Chryme
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IP: 3240 794D
^^good concept.....nice imagery i was feelin this man, keep postin keep doin ya thang
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A LIFE OF CHRYME |
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