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| Phenom | Kingz | Dabatos | TonySelf | Tha Q | Half Breed | Tito | 7th End | RV Radio  |
12-03-05, 12:31 PM
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#1
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Just searching.
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Quiet Thunder ft. Max McFly.
IP: DB41 DC69
First Verse- Crazy Hades Second Verse- Max McFly. Promenades through the vines, speaking with the divine and exchanging casual comments;
Displaying cryptic messages to a ragged world while discussing a few apocalyptic comets... Through chuckles and frowns, when vines grew up or withered down, droughts plagued us... Just a new crude talent presented by the one who made us --- the flawed. He'd always hate us... On an unfair scale he'd weigh us, and spoke with persuasive Soothing Rain and Quiet Thunder. Past this facade developed by a fraud, he was a kid playing with toys, eyes bright with wonder. "This is your chance to recompense, heed and harken, do not shun this most sacred message!" The villagers ignored his words. Angrily, he shouted: "Fine, then thou shalt learn thou lesson." Followed by mutters, he passed; families drew their curtains and shutters, 'n watched the prophet. "The ground shall be tainted with heathen's blood! Thou shalt perish, thou can not ever stop it! It is his wrath; It is his command! He died for you, and his heart perished in these very process." Ramble after ramble...day after day...the village continued on his path, not heeding to his talking. Finally, one day, light returned to the prophet's eyes and he smiled at the rugged man before him; Gone was the indignant village's snoring, this man did not believe his 'anecdotes' were boring... "Noah, what is it you speak of?" The lad could not have been past the first stages of adolescence, Whom was in no way inconspicuous as he dominated the streets with his impressive presence. "Quiet Thunder and Soothing Rain! Maybe to end the drought; possibly, but I very much doubt this. He wants me to be the luminous lantern amongst the midst of those destined for The Sad Abyss. I must shed the dark...I must build my Ark. Will you join me before it's too late, young, precious lad? Join me on this journey." But with his eyes sad, the young man shook his head and turned his back. Lightning strikes, the flashes came; the thatched rood trickled with flames, Villagers are hallucinating and sticking their burnt tongues out in the rain, Everyone has a twisted devilish grin; the prophet's looking in mass horror, Where have they been? Their faces turn red and their cheeks grew morbid, The thunder cracks, and the child’s eyes turn to black, a vision took place, All his fellow people bloody and thrashed floating in this storm-made lake, He’s standing drenched in sheep’s organs, wool and limbs sinking through the liquid, The prophet stays drenched, natural caused macabre slayings of his once loved kids, The ocean and his village merged into a catastrophe, but he sees a figure standing, Darkness covers his shadow; a surge of electricity shocks a child with godly branding, Noah the prophet appears; the child walks toward the darkness with his trembling feet, But suddenly he’s covered with gashes, slits, wounds and aching knees, The ghastly horrified child struggles through waves to reach the constructed ship, Reclined on the holy wood, splinters clenched his unworthy skin and ripped, The moment was unearthly as the H2O down poured, he recovers with haste, Rising water hits his broken vertebrae as it quickly comes to his waist, At first the day river was placid, tranquil, pacifistic! But now the devil has cried, Wept and horrendously bawled with rumbling tears, crashing upon the glittering sky! Noah examined the boy bursting “Are you a true Christian?” pummeled with grief, The battered child replied “Saving one’s life should not have to do with belief!” “You are not chosen to lead the new world! Parish in hell with your misguided taint!” The young one looks up at Noah, trembling, staring with teary eyes at the saint, He wanders off into the depths of the only thing that would save his life, Omitted by Noah himself… he took one last look at the corpses of fallen wives, The arc sailed away from the child, his expression was blank, and bitterly spoiled, As the synthetic vision passed, a flash of thunder hit his body, he fell back from the recoil… Last edited by Crazy Hades : 12-04-05 at 01:11 PM. |
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12-04-05, 02:29 AM
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#2
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in your system
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
hmmm cool story boys, i was feeling it...two things i didn't like that just stood out: kein, you spelt late wrong in your last line...and i didn't like the use of H20 in the piece, ehh, seemed outta place
but overall, awesome, such vivid storytelling...usually i dont like longer lines in a piece, but they were so descriptive and intriguing, it really worked. here's some lines i liked On an unfair scale he'd weigh us, and spoke with persuasive Soothing Rain and Quiet Thunder. Past this facade developed by a fraud, he was a kid playing with toys, eyes bright with wonder Noah examined the boy bursting “Are you a true Christian?” pummeled with grief, The battered child replied “Saving one’s life should not have to do with belief!” wordness, keep up to both, enjoyable read,  The ocean and his village merged into a catastrophe, but he sees a figure standing
__________________
this world is a drug, and everyone's selfish FLY FREE |
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12-04-05, 12:00 PM
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#3
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Just searching.
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IP: DB41 DC69
Uh...there wasn't supposed to be 'lake' in any of my lines...there is lad, which is close, but means boy..
Thanks for the feed, love. Last edited by Crazy Hades : 12-04-05 at 12:03 PM. |
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12-04-05, 12:09 PM
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#4
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the rogue
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IP: 9E2F CDE8
I must shed the dark...I must build my Ark. Will you join me before it's too lad, young, precious lad?
Join me on this journey." But with his eyes sad, the young man shook his head and turned his back. that doesn't sound right, does it? |
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12-04-05, 01:10 PM
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#5
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Just searching.
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IP: DB41 DC69
Oh. How about, fuck you!
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