ok check it out.......................

shits hard when u living a life of nothin
u try everything but every door is shuttin
u punch the clock from 9 to 5 everyday
u livin but the ghetto always brings u back to say
selling drugs and fighting people over dope money
sleeping with any person even calling them ur honey
yeah the streets are hard but u got try ur best
cus theres drama on all sides not just the east and west
u get what u give when u live from the street
we shooting each other but we all gotta eat
it shouldnt matter ur colour or ur race
if u a rasict, a bullet from me in ur face
buying lotto ticketts thinking we are all gonna win
but remember be proud and stick out ur chin
i am what i am im not claming to be a gangsta
justa kid trying to be original don't call me a wangsta
like that famous thing sayed live long and prosper
i'll end this like a cheeseburger cus its a heart stopper

there it was quick ................

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what do u mean?

o ok

http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=223559

http://community.rapverse.com/showt...d=1#post2695697

you still haven't improved much.....read other pieces and find out what makes a piece something you can feel, relate to, something you can imagine yourself to be in.....

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That was pretty whack dude sorry work on your rhymes dont rhyme simple words try to get bigger words and in your second line break the big word up in to a copule that rhyme with the bigger one or do double rhymes where the last two words rhyme and use internal rhymes that come quick off the tongue it makes it flow better

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