The things I've been through in life have left me a bottomless well of anger and hate. I coneal it well, believe me. But I snap and lose it so easily, it's amazing I haven't beaten the fuck out of someone for a long time. I'm not going into details but I went through a lot of terrible shit when I was 10/12 that would fuck anyone up. I'm calm one minute, then I completely lose it. Today in science some guy was doing 'impressions' of me with a meter ruler stick pretending it was me playing cricket. So my mate Rob said "Joe he's taking the piss out of you". I looked up from my work to see him swinging the stick like the fucking faggot skater cunt that he is, and lost it. I stood up, walked over to him and shouted "you fucking cunt! At least I can play cricket. Don't start taking the piss when you're a complete fuckup yourself." I then snatched the ruler stick and started swinging it around like a maniac doing impressions of him. Then I roared "you can't bat for shit, for beans, for fucking anything. If I had a penny for every dick you've taken up the ass I could put Africa and half of Asia out of debt and still be richer than Bill Gates. Don't you ever say shit about me again or I'll break your fucking face!" I then calmy started my work again.

Later in the same lesson I had a thumping headache and asked my friend Dhyll if he had any painkillers. He then sarcastically said "yeah cause EVERYONE carries them around in their bag". Again I lost it and said "Some people fucking do, shut up with the sarcasm! I then kiked this chair and sent it flying across the room. I calmy said to the teacher "I have a headache, I need a drink."

I might go and get councilling but my dad wouldn't believe that I have issues.

Meh. My cousin is the same way. He get piss at anyone who ever disrespects him in anyway, he'll start yelling or he'll start moving in a weird way, not like he's being posses or anything but his fist will move in a akward movement. Then when he reaches that peak, he'll start swinging. Once someone breaks up the fight he'll be calm like in a second. Meh. I think you have temper/anger management problems. Take classes. Again, my cousin is the same way, he keeps things inside for so long, None of his friends don't know the REAL him. He's such a nice guy but when you disrespect him, he'll make you hate him. He been through so much shit that it'll make you have sympathy on him, but I've learned don't, because that's the last thing he needs is someone worry about him.

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Yes, I can relate to him. I usually take my anger out on the Football (soccer) pitch and get most aggression out my system, but it's preseason at the moment and although we have a few 5 a side/7 a side tournaments there's a while until next season.

You must be stressed out. You and my cousin is like twins, I'm telling you. Maybe you need to talk to him and maybe that'll calm you down a bit, release some of that. PM me if you want his msn hotmail or his aim.

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

lmffaooorororofllflflforrolmaololol

that was genius...ye i'm pretty much close to losin myself at the moment...current shit happenin ya get me...it's cool though we're all allowed to lose our temper man...

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R.I.P OMB

To Be Honest...I Don't Know Why I Bothered

Yeah man, I'm a big guy (6 ft 2) so I generally back people out of fights and when I completely lose it I'm not a great person to be around.

Dervla cheers, what's that guys msn?

ye i get ya...i'm only about 5 ft 11 or 12 not too sure to be honest but i'm generally really calm i don't look for shit and shit rarely comes my way...but i got my old mans temper which ain't a good thing coz he's a big cunt and we had a punch up once and we both came off even...which shocked me lol coz i thought jus by goin from build...he'd fuck me up royally lol

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MySpace

R.I.P OMB

To Be Honest...I Don't Know Why I Bothered

thats sucks man... your best bet is to probably end your life while your young because just imagine the future...i suggest bullet to the brain... or even self hangin...or overdosing is mostly painless... good luck

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southbeachmiamiho

^ ye...you are?

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MySpace

R.I.P OMB

To Be Honest...I Don't Know Why I Bothered

Yea.. you do have issues..

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..The Council..
7 Day Theory

ok, thats just being silly and plus its another person life u're talking abt. thats not cool.

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mystery Is a Freak!!

ITawAPuddyKat: Yeah, I guess. But I won't be a Lesbo for life.
Smartone Freal: oh so u DO have plans of turnin str8
ITawAPuddyKat: Well Yes, Yes I do.
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: Lol, all smiles aren't we? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol yea i cant hide what i think bout u
Smartone Freal:
ITawAPuddyKat: ...Oh, what DO you think about me? Lol
Smartone Freal: lol sorry thats private
ITawAPuddyKat: EWWWWWWW..*Sigged*

Sounds like me when I was younger. I witnessed trauma since I was 3 (first witnessing my mom being abused) and traumatic experiences didn't stop there, I'd be witnessing things from people dying, to violence, witnessing a rape, having guns pulled on me, and much much more as I grew older and older. I fucked up a lot in school because of that pure untamed inner fury day in and day out. Counselors gave up on me and my Highschool psychiatrist diagnosed me as manic depressive and exhibiting traits consistent with multiple personality disorder. I didn't tell her that I attempted suicide twice.

In later years, I gained the introspection of what caused me all that anger. Restriction and the frustration of being completely misunderstood and mis-commmunicated to. I had felt limited, like I can't make any progress and that life would consistently give me a raw deal, or flat out no deal at all. There were no opportunities, nothing. You feel like there's no way out of somehting you're way too deep into, and you have no control over your life. The only satisfaction I got out of life was knowledge. It was the one thing that was truely mine.

Then one day, I realized that frustration and anger were products of a perception of inability and limit. I stripped away those limitations by empowering my self through books that charged the inner me, the real me, with my own positivity and what's important to me and with the energies that I needed to grow and become who I needed to become. And that's when I put that beast to sleep. I also saw that the trials of my life before that point had served to make me wiser and more powerful than I could have possibly imagined.

By no coincidence, it's also when I put Doomsday to sleep and emerged as Apexx.

I tell you this, not to lay down strips of my own life, but hopefully to illustrate how someone who was in the same situation you're in took their destiny into their own hands and became a completely different person. Hopefully with this awareness, you'll find your own path and take the steps that are right for you to become who you really should be.

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Thank you, that was a good positive response and I appreciate it. I read a lot of books, mainly fantasy and other fiction, and am currently planning to continue working on a book I'm writing.

My biggest problem is I enjoy being angry, I relish in the feeling of being on edge. I feel ALIVE, and it's really not good.

That's good man. I hope you hang on to that. One day you'll look back and all the things in your life that you thought were random yet for some reason always stood out in your mind, one day they'll all come together and paint a fragmented picture too vivid for you to ignore. You'll see that those seemingly random moments were essential for you to experience and they all share a common thread. In this frame, you'll recollect thoughts that seemed like nothing at the time. You may even recall this discussion, and the words will ignite in your mind and trigger you to make changes you didn't even know you could make.



Yup. I can relate. It's the only time you really feel in power and in control of something, or like you're really doing something. True, you're doing something, but it's not progressing, it's just destroying. That's where knowledge comes in and saves you from your self. you see that your true power is in your mind, not in your body. You'll discover that the things you can do when applying your mind completely eclipse anything you've done when applying only your body. Your body is just 1 force, where as your mind can make you become millions. Proper communication is key, remember this. I'm confident in you though i can read it just in your ..damn, i don't even know how to put it in words, but the path you're on, you will definitely stumble across the information that's going to change your life. And the lives of those around you. Indigo.


"knowledge is power"


P.S., hit me on AIM, I've got something that might shed a whooooooooooolllllllee lotta light for you.

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