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Originally Posted by Queen of the blabbermouths
Everything under here is from the Q's oyd post
First of all, I want to say that I've thought long and hard about
what I'm about to say, and do. I've sought advice from a couple
people as to my course of action. And, I've even prayed about this
situation. Why? God says, "Cast all your care upon me for I care
for you." With that said, I am leaving OYD for good, on my terms.
Consider the following:
1. I quit my job (basically) back at the end of 2005 to pursue other
interests. I tried about 3 different jobs in the interim, all
without success. I attempted an at home business which would have
broke my bank. So, I called that quits. Then, I tried a sells
venture. I couldn't stand driving around to people's houses. So, I
called that quits. Then, I tried this rap label thing, and realize I
was way in over my head. That's when I decided to ground myself and
get a "real" job. I saw a great opportunity at Howard University and
pursued it. Up to that point, I was living on savings. I had
thousands saved up. God made it so I was able to have everything I
needed and desired nothing. But, I knew I wanted to take my career
along a different path. So, after three long interviews, Howard gave
me the call and gave me the position. And, I must say, it's the best
job I've ever had. I'm on a pristine campus doing what I love.
Furthermore, God has made it so I'm able to tithe (10% of my income)
almost 1/2 of what I used to NET when I first graduated from college.
God is good.
2. During the time that I was searching for a shift in careers, I
would spend mad time on RV and recording. I mean, I didn't have shit
else to do. I would write all day. I would record. I would go to
church. I would do what I had to do to get money. But, I was not
happy with the direction of my life. So, when you're not happy with
something, you change it. God allowed me to do that. While on RV, I
elevated a lot. I can honestly say that Tito's verse on "Smoke to
this" took my game to another level. It was amazing. It kicked my
own flow into another gear. And, for that I'm thankful. 3TE( Tony,
Tito, myself) was something I respected. We simply worked well
together, period.
At some point, casual acquaintances turned into friendships. I
became friends with CHO because he literally lived up the street from
my college. So, I decided to visit him to see the area again. It
was dope. Around the same time, Tony and I began to talk more on
AIM. I respected his views. In all, he was a chill person I didn't
mind conversing with.
Around March, I noticed that Tony no longer IM'ed me like he used to.
That was cool. I mean, people get busy. I didn't think anything of
it. But, then, I begin to notice that he was working/chatting with
other people and they were relaying his words to me. So, I began to
wonder why he couldn't just hit me up to send me a track, or to
holler, or w/e. So, I confronted him about it, amicably. Tony
responded with an attitude like "Well, that works both ways." I
wasn't quite sure what was the issue. But, that's when it all
started. To this day, I still don't know why all of a sudden he went
from playin online golf and chillin wit me, to having this animosity,
or what I felt was animosity, towards me.
During the course of several conversations, Tony has used my
sexuality as a weapon. Now, I don't know if he did this on purpose
or not. But, the fact is that he did it. On one occasion, he wrote
a line for a song that said, "Make you come out the closet faster
than Q" or something like that. Umm, that's offensive to me. That's
like something you say when you're trying to insult someone. Again,
when I confronted Tony about that, I was given this attitude of, "Oh,
I ain't mean nothing by it." Okay, I could buy that...but,
The conversation that led up to this current conflict (of which I'll
have none after this letter) was the straw that broke the camel's
back for me.
I'm a black gay man. And, in the black community (and in general)
gay men aren't considered "REAL MEN." So, during this phone convo
with Tony, he mentioned that he had some Burberry Cologne. I was
like nice, "Give me some since you have 2 bottles." Then, his
comment of, "But, it's for real men" was hurtful to me. I mean,
here's someone who claims to be my "friend" making derogatory remarks
like that. He said it. How was I supposed to take it? As a joke?
nawwwwwww...I kinda laughed it off at the time, even though it bothered me. The next day, I sat and thought about that thing and realized it was still on my mind. I knew I'd probably be having more conversations with Tony in the future, so, I wanted to clear this off my chest and set a bounds.
If you notice how I apporached him in the AIM convo he posted, I was very calm and collected. I only had an issue the next day when we had a completely separate convo about another issue. His track with Cho and Tito had a line in it that bothered me. So, I voiced my opinion about it. THe line said something like, "When I see a faggot I fuck him up." Of course I'm going to be bothered by that, especially from people I'm in a crew with.
The fact of the matter is, ever since Tito "let me back in" OYD I've felt nothing buy a cold shoulder from almost everyone here. Talk about PHONEY. JSummers in the LL saying, "Q, I respect you." Then, comes in the OYD forum questioning my mental sanity like "Yea, dat nigga Q crazy." What the fuck is that?
No one in OYD has a degree in Psychology. NO one in OYD has a medical license to psycho analyze me. So, I didn't appreciate that at all. Furthermore, I was big enough to call Tony when I was on the golf course to clear the air. He chose to ignore my call and hold a grudge. The bible teaches me that "if you know that your brother has an ought against you, go to him before you even come to the altar." However, if he doesn't want to hear me, I'm freed from that commitment. The bible says, "If your brother doesn't hear you, go again with a third party." I've tried to get Tito to mediate, but he's made his choice. He's friends with Tony and chose to accept his "truth" over mine. As a result of this, I've come to this conclusion, Tony is not my brother and never was. Therefore, there's no condemnation to me scripturally for what I'm trying to achieve, but can't seem to. God wants me to wipe the dust off and move on.
The fact is, Tony said some really nasty things about my family as well. The fact is, Tony says I'm ashamed of being "gay". Yet, he made the comment, "At least I don't sleep with dudes."
^^Hypocrisy...
I'm done with it. I don't need this. God has opened up doors for me and will open more. I've been through alot to elevate myself and to better myself. But, I'll be damned if I'm going to grovel at people's feet and kiss people's asses so they'll "like me."
Take me off the mixtape. Take my name off any and every thing related to OYD. Forget that I even exist. I know that I'm a good person and like to help people. I refuse to be anyone's damn black sheep. I have too much self respect for that.
I've PM'ed strobe and asked him to put TONY's name on my ignore list. I can't do it since it said he was a "mod" somewhere. So, I won't even be in communication with him. I won't see what he says to me or about me. I'm moving on.
Like any relationship that ends, both sides will eventually be stronger as a result. But, this is affecting me, even at work. So, I have to protect myself and my investments.
If I'm guilty of anything, it's of being a human being. That means I err. That means I'm flawed. But, I'm honest about it all.
Life is too short. And, I'll be happier as a result.
I FORGIVE MYSELF.
I'm out.
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07-12-06, 08:13 PM
#1
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