Sucka’s don’t wanna believe the truth, sucka I’m mo’ famous then Babe Ruth, don’t care if ya believe me or not, my rhymes still be hot, my raps be addictive as pot, got skills like Ronnie Lott. Ya see ya think ya’ll can get under my skin, sucka’s I’m the one whose gonna win, shit I got mo’ skills then a Minnesota Twin. Don’t give a fuck, this shit ain’t luck, makin’ myself famous and rich, sucka’s just a pussy ass bitch. Don’t do drugs but I’m still one of them true thugs, ya see I keep it real, ya feel, sucka’s mess and you’ll taste cold steal. Ya see I’ll rap all day, I’ll bust a cap all day, hear what I say, I still get my pay, goin’ into history like Ray, cut you up like fish fealty. Ya see these skills gonna be getting’ me mad money, rhymes sweet as honey, ya hear me sonny, ya think its funny, sucka I’ll put you in some serious pain, sucka think I’m insane, sucka think I’m like Kurt Cobain, sucka I’m on my way to the hall of fame, skills you can’t tame, ya death ain’t no shame, you was always lame. So don’t believe me, don’t believe RD, don’t believe what I preach, don’t believe what I teach, don’t matter, my pockets just keep getting’ fatter. So listen to this rhyme, at least just one time: I don’t give a fuck if ya hate, I don’t give a fuck if ya don’t appreciate, I don’t give a fuck if ya don’t think what I say is true, don’t care what ya do, so hate on me, perpatrate on me, I got my appreciators, so don’t listen to the truth I say, don’t listen to the truth that I spray. So don’t believe it, I don’t give a shit, I’m still makin’ money, I just schooled you sonny, that shit ain’t even funny.

first of all , you need to links to other opebn mics you have left decent feedback on.

Ok, your structure is fucked, you need to set it out in bars,other wise it just one long ass strectched bar.

heres how I would of structured this......

Sucka’s don’t wanna believe the truth,
sucka I’m mo’ famous then Babe Ruth,
don’t care if ya believe me or not,
my rhymes still be hot, my raps be addictive as pot,
got skills like Ronnie Lott.
Ya see ya think ya’ll can get under my skin,
sucka’s I’m the one whose gonna win,
shit I got mo’ skills then a Minnesota Twin.
Don’t give a fuck, this shit ain’t luck,
makin’ myself famous and rich, sucka’s just a pussy ass bitch. Don’t do drugs but I’m still one of them true thugs,
ya see I keep it real, ya feel,
sucka’s mess and you’ll taste cold steal.
Ya see I’ll rap all day, I’ll bust a cap all day,
hear what I say, I still get my pay,
goin’ into history like Ray, cut you up like fish fealty.
Ya see these skills gonna be getting’ me mad money, rhymes sweet as honey, ya hear me sonny,
ya think its funny, sucka I’ll put you in some serious pain,
sucka think I’m insane, sucka think I’m like Kurt Cobain,
sucka I’m on my way to the hall of fame, s
kills you can’t tame, ya death ain’t no shame,
you was always lame.
So don’t believe me, don’t believe RD,
don’t believe what I preach,
don’t believe what I teach,

and so on.........

the contect of this peice is generic and lame, there i snothing orginal. To me any self glorification better be done in a fucking dope original new concept for me to appreciatte it. You are saying what has been said by hundreds before. Switch up your mindstate. Get a new approach while still remaining yourself.

Lyrics are weak, you need to step up your vocab.
metaphores are also none existent, step them up.
You have potential, just stay dropping and stay learning.

peace